The Golden Spike

2009-06-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

Remmy Sleeping

2009-05-19T13:07:00.001-07:00

Vanity Fair: The Godfather Wars

2009-03-12T13:54:00.001-07:00

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

2009-01-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

The story and songs in this program were written by Zack, Joss and Jed Whedon, who come from a long line of screenwriters. According to Wikipedia, the Whedons' grandfather wrote for the Donna Reed Show and his father wrote for the Electric Company and the Golden Girls. Solid legacy.

Joss Whedon wrote Firefly which is a very cool science fiction show which was strongly influenced by the Western genre. It was also one of the first shows filmed in HD and helped me break-in my HD TV when I first got it. Below is a link to a blog I came across that republished a Joss Whedon interview with 10 of his top writing tips.

http://dannystack.blogspot.com/2009/01/joss-whedons-top-10-writing-tips.html

Fresh Beats

2008-12-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

Against the Law: Using a flip-throw in a game.

2008-11-20T13:33:00.001-08:00

Also Against the Law: Trying to block throw-in. This kid gets whats comin' to him.

Trick Soccer Throw-In Destroys Kid - Watch more Sports Videos

Bobby's World vs. Sarah Palin

2008-11-18T12:59:00.001-08:00

Sarah Palin Is A Cartoon Character - Watch more Free Videos

Our President

2008-11-14T08:13:00.000-08:00

Does this man have any idea?

Let the Great Experiment Begin!

2008-11-05T06:16:00.000-08:00

America, I'm afraid we just blue ourselves.

As I ponder the election results and consider that President Obama will take office on January 20th, I'm beset by Tobias Funke quotes for some reason. Here's a Tobias soun dboard if you'd like to hear the quotes from the Doctor's mouth.

Personally, even though I supported Senator McCain, I'm encouraged by the enthusiasm and excitement surrounding President-elect Obama, both at home and abroad. (I studied a broad once...)

Many of my concerns regarding President-elect Obama have been addressed through the debates and his campaigning this Fall as he fleshed out his previously nebulous platform. Nevertheless, I still have serious reservations about the prospect of raising taxes in the face of a recession. If President-elect Obama intends to "rollback" President Bush's tax cuts and increase government spending, as indicated, I hope he has the sense to wait until our economy and the U.S. dollar both stabilize.

I also hope that our new President-elect recognizes the need to fix the housing market first. http://fixhousingfirst.com/ Since our economy has transitioned from manufacturing-based to service-based and retail oriented (following the lead of most European nations), consumer confidence/sentiment has become more critical to our economic health. When people are happy and optimistic they spend more and are more apt to expand existing businesses or start-up new ones, which ultimately stimulates the economy. In order for that to happen, consumers, entrepreneurs, and all Americans have to feel secure about their homes.

President-elect Obama now has four years to back up the rhetoric and charisma with substance. Here's hoping he does.

Below are the Fix Housing First talking points for any TGS readers who want to educate themselves some more about this important issue (of course, that assumes you weren't led here to The Spike by a Google Image search for Dave Charvet).

The Problem: Falling home values are at the core of the current economic crisis. Home prices and property values continue to dramatically decline across the country, affecting hard-working Americans everywhere. Americans are hesitant to buy homes now because they fear prices won’t stabilize anytime soon. Existing home inventory is nearing an all-time high and increasing as foreclosures flood the market. All sectors of the economy are affected because housing is so central to our daily lives. Thousands (soon to be millions) of jobs across all industries have been lost as a result of the housing crisis. Consumers have stopped purchasing, and small businesses are failing.

The Solution: Short-term, targeted incentives will encourage Americans to buy homes again.

[In 1975, Congress passed a short-term $2,000 tax credit for all new homes ($12,000 adjusted for today’s median home prices) coupled with subsidized mortgage rates. The stimulus jump-started the depressed economy and the effects continued long after the measure expired.]

What’s needed now to create a housing recovery:

Enhance the Home Buyer Tax Credit
Eligible purchases: primary residences between April 9, 2008, and December 31, 2009.
Credit amount: 10% of home price capped at 3.5% of FHA loan limits (geographically dependent) ranging between approximately $10,000 and $22,000.
Eliminate recapture.
Monetization: credit available at time of closing.
Below market 30-year fixed-rate mortgage for home purchases
2.99% rate available for contracts closed between now and June 30, 2009.
3.99% rate for contracts closed between June 30, 2009 and December 31, 2009.
Continue foreclosure prevention measures to keep people in their homes, help stabilize home prices and bolster the economy.

The Effect:

Reviving demand positively affects the global economy.

Stops the fall in home values.
Encourages people to buy NOW instead of later.
Restores consumer confidence and gets them spending again.
Enhances the hard work that has been done to shore up our financial system.
Creates jobs opportunities across the country in every sector.
Energizes the economy!

Elegant F!@# You Clothes

2008-11-03T11:32:00.000-08:00

I know enough real-life Gordon Gekkos to grasp the concept of f!@# you clothes. Indeed, if clothes are cursing at me, I endure a sartorial reaming every time I board the elevator in my building. The pocket square is, in my opinion, the most offensive male accessory (although the offensiveness is limited to a business setting - pocket squares are less haughty when worn socially). The pocket square a bitch slap of condescension and, as far as non-verbal insults go, it's practically on par with the middle finger. Suspenders or "braces" are a close second.

OP-DEAD

2008-10-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

There has been a rumor circulating around central NJ that The Star Ledger will stop printing in January 2009. However, the WSJ reported last week that the rumors of the Ledger's death have been greatly exaggerated. According to the WSJ:

The Star-Ledger newspaper in New Jersey said about 40% of its newsroom staff
will depart in a buyout wave, among the steepest cuts in the continued downsizing of the newspaper industry. The Star-Ledger earlier this month said it had secured enough buyout offers and labor concessions to ward off a threatened sale or closure of the paper, the country's 15th-largest by weekday circulation.

It's no secret that newsprint readership and circulation has been waning over the past decade. This is the result of 3 independent catalysts which have converged to change the way America does its "business." First, breakfast cereals and smoothies have been fortified with fiber. Second, Al Gore gave birth to the Internet. Third, women started infiltrating the white collar workforce.

In 1992, when a white collar worker wanted to kill some time, he would grab a paper and head for the head. This morning ritual was referred to by many as "a morning constitutional", "a gratifier" and eventually, crudely, "dropping a deuce." An average male professional in 1992 could spend anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour catching up on news and sports while enjoying the solitude of a restroom stall.

In 2008, with all the fiber supplements being crammed into breakfast cereals and 20 ounce cups of coffee now considered "small", the necessity to draw out the length these "constitutionals" has diminished. Additionally, the Internet now affords office workers an opportunity to waste time at their computer terminals, more discretely and with pants on. Finally, there are more women in the office. These women are constantly monitoring the length of a man's time away from his desk. It's as if women believe that monitoring the lack of productivity of their male counterparts will help them break through the glass ceiling. (Good luck sisters!)

The upshot of these trends is that newspapers are dying. That's lamentable, I suppose. Nevertheless, I am not disturbed in the least by the inevitable death of the Ledger. I'd love to see that rag fail. IMO, the Ledger has only done 2 things competently over the past 10 years: 1) report sports results and 2) recap Sopranos episodes.

While the growing popularity of the Internet has eroded away the Ledger's readership during this time (which I logically chronicled above) and advertisers have fled from print media, the balance of ads sold by the Ledger were related to the auto and real estate industries. Failing to recognize their growing dependence on the revenue generated by real estate ads, the Ledger continued to rail against real estate developers and builders through op-ed pieces and biased journalism as well as repeatedly endorsed politicians supporting anti-development agendas. The writers and editorial staff at the Ledger vilified and demonized everyone in the real estate development and construction industries (two of the only remaining viable blue-collar industries in NJ). Now that the real estate market has softened, it's no surprise that the Ledger is in it's death throes. After years of biting the hand that fed them, the hand has finally pulled away.

I will not miss The Star Ledger when it's finally gone - I find an iPhone much easier to read on the throne than a newspaper (remember that the next time you ask to play with my iPhone).

A Few of My Favorite Things

2008-08-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

Via Lil' Thunder, two guys I like perform a song that I love.

Swim Coach Remington

2008-08-20T08:22:00.001-07:00

And We're Back!

2008-08-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

So ... um ... I guess we made one half-assed post in the last three months. Um ... oh well. Having moved cross country with Lil Thunder, the blog currently known as The Golden Spike now has little reason to be so named. The authors are all residents of Philadelphia and New Jersey. Should the blog be renamed? There are some excellent options, including Washington's Crossing (Dave Law's idea), or the Water Gap (mine). In the end, though, I think The Golden Spike stays. Too much brand recognition, after all. I think our loyal Spikeheads would revolt if the name was changed.

Anycrap, time to get back to the consistent, quality entertainment that this blog is renowned for providing. In other words, links.

Congratulations are in order for Daniel Allen Everett, who recently won the World's Greatest Dad contest.

This guy is a killing machine, and for some reason, I can't get enough of him.

Again, fascinating.

This article isn't funny. It is interesting though, especially with my new job. If you have the time or inclination to read to the end, did the writer break his vow to Jobs?

Finally, I've never played Halo, but this brings the funny.

Dave Law Sighting?

2008-05-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

Another Dave Law sighting?

Legal Briefs

2008-04-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

MISS USA. At some point while watching 30 Rock and The Office last night (both strong new episodes), I caught an ad for NBC's coverage of the Miss USA pageant in Vegas this year. The spot was great! The promo featured 2 great moments in beauty pageant history - both occuring in the last 12 months. First, they ran a clip of last year's Miss USA falling on her ass at the Miss Universe contest. They followed that up with the unfortunate but ironically hilarious clip of Miss South Carolina trying to answer a softball question at the 2007 Miss USA pageant. Although I usually reserve my pageant commenting for my annual Miss Universe post, I feel compelled to endorse NJ's Miss USA delegate this year. I can really get behind her. My only problem is that her hometown is BROOKLYN, NY; her favorite food is Pizza from Joe & Pat's on Staten Island; and she attended Wagner College on said island. Are you kidding me? How does that work? Did we trade NY for her? If so, who did we give up?

Other notes:

Miss Texas is OK in my book for listing Tombstone as her favorite movie and Ultimate Fighting as her favorite sport (although UFC is more of a brand, the sport is MAA);

at least 2 contestants listed Mexican as their favorite food (hopefully not as a pre-pageant meal);

Miss DC listed her dream job as President of the United States. Way to dream!; and

Miss Alabama is nice.

DAVE BARRISTER. For some reason, I've become quite an anglophile over the past year. I can neither explain nor defend this proclivity.

Music - my "go-to" driving CD has been Keane's "Under the Iron Sea" for the better part of a year now and my iPod "Workout" mix is littered with pop singles from British artists including Mika ("Big Girls"), Muse ("Starlight"), Rooney ("When Did Your Heart Go Missing?"), Paolo Nutini ("Jenny Don't Be Hasty"), among others.

TV - I've also become a bigger fan of Brit-Coms. This probably started with The Office, but I've since been introduced to Spaced (with Simon Pegg), and The IT Crowd (Coming to NBC this Fall). My inner-nerd also really enjoys the new Dr. Who series. (I'm sure BT would argue that my inner-nerd is more outer than inner. )

Pets, Soccer and Everything Else - I now have an English Bulldog and my favorite brand of soccer is the English Premier League (Fox Soccer Channel). My preferred news outlet is the BBC World Service on XM. My favorite spy remains James Bond (Casino Royale was brilliant!) and my favorite boy wizard is Harry Potter.

MR. & MRS. DAVE LAW. As many of our faithful readers know, I am recently engaged to be married. The wedding will be in October of this year. Since becoming engaged, 2008 has been a very emasculating year for me, my friends. Wedding planning has been like living with The Velvet Mafia, Grady and Julio.

The virtually interminable procession of florists, reception hall booking agents, stationery vendors and wedding band front men has permanently skewed my decision-making feminine.

Whenever I mention wedding planning to male friends, the first thing they all mention is using the scan-gun to register for gifts. It's as if this is the only modestly fun aspect of wedding planning for a guy, and it's the first thing they all associate with the process. Getting to use the "gun" to register for gifts is vastly overrated. After years of playing Time Crisis at the local movie house, there's nothing uniquely fun about "blasting" the UPC code on a set of linens with a repurposed Photon pistol.

LEGAL LINKS.

I thought I'd end my post with 4 really cool websites designed to enhance your cell-phone's productivity.

1. Skyfire. This is a full web browser similar to the one pre-loaded on the iPhone. Using Skyfire, you can view websites on your mobile phone the same way you view them on your PC. There is no loss of content. Unfortunately, this software is still being beta tested and is not available for immediate download. You have to submit your email address and wait for them to contact you.

2. vTap. This software is immediately downloadable. It's a powerful search engine and video/audio file player which allows you to view virtually any video that's posted on the internet on your mobile phone (including all YouTube videos). I have this software and use it a lot.

3. Jott. Jott.com is a free web-based service that will transcribe anything you dictate through your mobile phone and send the transcript to anyone you choose as either a text message or e-mail. I use it for sending text messages while driving.

4. ScanR. ScanR will convert any picture you send it into a file format of your choosing and email it back to you. It can also read type-written words in the picture you send. The software can create a text file which can be manipulated by you from a picture you take on your cell phone. It's great for business cards and scanning any document when you're away from your desk.

That concludes this not-so-brief "Legal Briefs" post.

Ad Finem Fidelis - "Faithful to the End"

2008-03-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ha ha! To the left is me with shorts on in the middle of winter.

Finally some good news to report from Philadelphia, the land of underachieving sports franchises.

A MLS franchise has been awarded to Philadelphia, with play to begin in 2010. A soccer specific stadium will be built in Chester, PA just south of the Commodore Barry Bridge.

The team name has yet to be announced and will likely be chosen be a contest run during the summer of 2008.

The Sons of Ben is an independent fan club for the future team.

Looks like they are already typical Philly fans.

Bobby Deniro's Used Cars - I'm Practically Giving Them Away!!!

2008-03-24T14:25:00.003-07:00

Video Tuesday

2008-02-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

The latest highlights on the 'tube. FROM THE START, BE WARNED THAT THEY ALL HAVE "COLORFUL" LANGUAGE.

These two are required viewing for anyone who considers himself to have a sense of humor. Sarah Silverman dropped a bombshell on her long time beau, Jimmy Kimmell:

Not too be outdone, Jimmy responds by hitting Sarah -- and Matt -- right where it hurts:

As an unabashed Sarah Silverman fan, I'll use these videos as an excuse to post another. Here she is on Leno:

Finally, a couple of Bud Light commercials that apparently haven't made the air. The first one, for some reason, just makes me think that Big Swingin' D would love it.

As for the second one, well, I just like people getting bleeped. Its high comedy.

Hollywood is Dumb

2008-02-22T16:45:00.000-08:00

The title is meant to be read in the voice of Dark Helmet, when he says, "Evil will always triumph, because Good ... is dumb."

But I digress. Hollywood is dumb. Why is Hollywood dumb? Because, according to MSNBC, the top 10 highest paid actresses in Hollywood are as follows:

1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Angeline Jolie
3. Cameron Diaz
4. Nicole Kidman
5. Renee "Jewel" Zellweger
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Julia Roberts
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Jodie Foster
10. Halle Berry

(As a sidenote, I obviously went out of my way to find bad pictures of these actresses, by doing Google searches like "Angelina Jolie ugly" and "Nicole Kidman ugly." But for Drew Barrymore, all it took was "Drew Barrymore." Seriously. Also, there's no such thing as a bad pic of Halle Berry. I gave up searching.)

What do these ten have in common? Aside from the fact that they've never been in my kitchen, they all share a major trait - their inclusion in a movie's cast will make me 0% more likely (and in the cases of Witherspoon, Kidman, Zellweger, Roberts and Barrymore, significantly less likely) to see that movie.

My opinion must be anomalistic, right? Surely, these ladies bring in the box office bucks (which is frankly the only reason to pay them so much), right? Let's look at their movies released in 2006 & 2007.

1. RW - Rendition ($10 million gross)

2. AJ - A Mighty Heart ($9 million); the Good Shephard ($60 million, but note that she starred opposite Matt Damon, and this was the only of his last four movies to make under $115 million. Also starring Robert DeNiro)

3. CD - The Holiday ($60 million) (I refuse to count cartoons)

4. NK - Margot at the Wedding ($2 million); the Invasion ($15 million)

5. RZ - Miss Potter ($3 million)

6. SB - Premonition ($48 million); Infamous ($1 million); The Lake House ($52 million)

7. JR - Charlie Wilson's War ($66 million, but second billed to Tom Hanks. 14 of Hanks' last 19 films have grossed $100 million.)

8. DB - Lucky You ($6 million); Music & Lyrics ($51 million)

9. JF - The Brave One ($36 million); Inside Man ($89 million, billed 3rd behind Denzell Washington and Clive Owen)

10. HB - Things We Lost in the Fire ($3 million); Perfect Stranger ($24 million); X-Men: Geeks Beat Off ($234 million).

As of 2003, the average budget for an Oscar nominated film was $66 million. Let's presume that Oscar-worthy films cost more than the average film (a presumption that I'm guessing is false), and let's also presume that there has been no inflation in the last 5 years (a presumption I know is false). So let's say that the average budget of a major motion picture is $60 million.

If that is the case, then the 18 films made by the top ten actresses break down as such:

- 8 of 18 (44%) grossed less than 15 million, meaning a loss of at least $45 million for the studio.

- 15 of 18 (83%) failed to make a profit

- 3 of 18 (17%) made a profit. Those three were Charlie Wilson's war, starring Tom Hanks, who must be the most successful box office draw of our generation; Inside Man, where Jodie Foster is billed third behind Denzell Washington and Clive Owen; and X-Men, which has a loyal following of nerds who would go if the movie starred Kirstie Alley.

So who is making money? Franchises. 6 of the top 10 movies in 2007 were franchises (Spider Man, Shrek, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Bourne, and National Treasure). Also movies that are cartoons or ostensibly children's movies. The top 12 included Spider Man, Shrek, Transformers, Harry Potter, Alvin & the Chipmunks, Ratatouille and the Simpsons.

If you ignore those two categories, these were the highest grossing movies of 2007:

1. I am Legend
2. 300
3. Wild Hogs(!)
4. Knocked Up
5. American Gangster
6. Juno
7. Superbad
8. I know Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
9. Blades of Glory
10. Ghost Rider

In 2006, the list looks like this:

1. The DaVinci Code
2. The Pursuit of Happyness
3. Talledega Nights
4. Click
5. The Departed
6. Borat
7. Devil Wears Prada
8. The Breakup
9. Dreamgirls
10. Failure to Launch

Of those 20 movies, how many lead actors or actresses drew people to the theaters on their own? I'd argue the list is Will Smith (I am Legend, Pursuit of Happyness), Denzell Washington (American Gangster), Michael Cera (Juno & Superbad - just kidding - sort of), Adam Sandler (Click & Chuck & Larry), Will Ferrell (Blades & Talledega Nights), and Borat (Borat). The only actresses who could even make an argument are Aniston in the Breakup, SJ Parker in Failure to Launch, and Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada. And all three are big reaches.

So here's my simple Econ lesson for Hollywood executives. Unless you want to run your business like the New York Knicks, spend your money as follows:

(1) Franchises. Full of adventure, and with as many episodes as possible.
(2) Animation / children. And don't waste your money on voices. Spend it on Pixar.
(3) Will Smith, Denzell Washington, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell and Tom Hanks.
(4) Jessica Biel.

That is all.

Noah's Ark

2008-02-20T06:18:00.000-08:00

The following is a cut and paste job from a chain email that's being circulated among the real estate development community. This modern parable is a twist on the "Evan Almighty" story and provides a sense of the regulatory and political challenges that the real estate industry faces.

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in the United States , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans"

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning
laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder andasked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Taste in Music, and how it changes

2008-02-04T10:39:00.001-08:00

My parents are getting ready to retire and move away from the house of my youth. It is depressing but times must change. Everytime I visit now, my father has a box of my old stuff that he tries to put in my car when I am not looking. Last trip home it was a box of old cassettes. After going through the box and throwing away most it, I came across some mixed tapes I made.

Here is an example.

"Spring Break Mix march 1996"

Side A

1. Lose - (?)

2. Bob - Primus

3. This Time of year - Better than Ezra

4. Shade - Silverchair

5. All in theGroove -Blues Traveler

6. Sober - Tool

7. Galaxy - Blind Melon

8. Insane in the Brain - Cypress Hill

9. Friend of the Devil - Greatful Dead

10. Grind - Alice in Chains

11. Feed the Tree - Belly

12. River of Deceit - Mad Season

Side B

1. Silent Lucidity - Queensrych

2. Time - Pink Floyd

3. Ironic - Alanis Morrisette

4. Someday Never Comes - CCR

5. Jane Says - Jane's Addiction

6. Shout - Tears For Fears

7. Cry in the Sun - Better than Ezra

Talk about all over the place. I guess Alanis Morrisette and Belly fit right in there with Tool, Silverchair, and Primus. I'll bet some of the older ones are even better.

In Memory of Heath Ledger

2008-01-27T15:59:00.001-08:00

Last week, Heath Ledger was found dead in a Manhattan apartment. Heath Ledger was a fine actor. The following is a list of our favorite Heath Ledger movies:

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

. . . well, at least he was hooking up (or shooting up) with Mary Kate Olsen (or was it Ashley? - either way, that's pretty good.)

Star Trek - The Newestest Generation

2008-01-24T07:04:00.001-08:00

The trailer for the newest Star Trek movie has finally appeared. I am actually a little excited about this one. Here are some details.

Release Date: December 25, 2008

Chris Pine - Kirk
Zachary Quinto - Spock
Zoe Saldana - Uhura
Karl Urban - Bones McCoy
John Cho - Sulu
Simon Pegg - Scotty
Anton Yelchin - Chekov

Some other Characters

Eric Bana - Nero
Winona Ryder - Amanda Grayson
Bruce Greenwood - Christopher Pike
Leonard Nimoy - Spock

I like the idea that they went with a generally unknown or little known actors for the primary cast. JJ Abrams is not a director I completely trust. I do like some of the things he has done and I can appreciate that he tries to do things a little different. And after the last Star Trek movie, something different definately needs to be done.

Greetings to All

2008-01-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

I noticed that Dave Law has posted some of my trivia that I send around, so I figured why not just ask permission to join up and post it myself. The guys were nice enough to allow me to sound off on my own.

Much appreciated.

To start, I think most of you know me or at least have heard stories about me. Some are true, some are . . . . . Well, most of them are true.

I am bit of a pop culture junkie, so expect to see a great deal of nonsense from me.

I promise to keep it clean.

Join the Huckabee Nation

2008-01-18T11:58:00.000-08:00

**From the fantastic Get Your War On comic series.

Lord of the Manor, King of the Castle, Master of his Domain

2008-01-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

As you can see this dog is growing up very quickly. Quite a difference from the original pictures of him I posted back in October. There is no question that he is the King of the Condo. He's pictured here defiantly staring me down from the comfort of my favorite spot on the couch.

* * *

Here's some movie trivia courtesy of Dug (I promise to post some original content soon):

Name the movie the song was featured in
1. Meet me Half Way - Kenny Loggins

2. You're the Best - John Esposito

3. Don't You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds

4. Dead man's Party - Oingo Boingo

5. Black Suits Comin' - Will Smith

6. Fly Like an Eagle - Seal

7. Hold Me, Thrill me, Kiss Me, Kill Me - U2

8. Hero - Chad Kroeger (feat. Josey Scott)

9. I don't want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith

10. Take My Breath Away - Berlin

11. Back in Time - Huey Lewis & The News

12. Eye of the Tiger - Survivor

13. Man of Constant Sorrow - Soggy Bottom Boys

14. I'm a Believer - Smash Mouth

15. Misirlou - Dick Dale $ His Del Tones

16. Stay - Lisa Leob & Nine Stories

17. Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns - Mother love Bone

18. Lose Yourself - eminem

19. Come with Me - Puff Daddy

20. A little Less Conversation- Elvis Presley

TGS Holiday Classics

2007-12-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

At a recent Holiday party, a fellow reveler reminded me of this Classic Clip of Christmas Comedy. Once The 'Spike completes construction of the TGS Hall of Fame, Pete Schweddy will doubtless be a first-ballot inductee. Enjoy

[Update] I see that the Youtube version has been taken down, so I can only link to the NBC site's version. Also, I realized that Dave Law posted this last Christmas, so sorry for stepping on his toes (but hey, don't we need Schweddy Balls every Christmas?).

Gratuitous Puppy Shot

2007-12-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

In Defense of Football (Soccer) Flops

2007-11-20T10:14:00.001-08:00

One of the Thunder Man's biggest criticism of the beautiful game is that he can't stand the flopping. Not that these clips justify the flopping in soccer, but they demonstrate that professional athletes will do anything to get an edge - cream, the clear, locking out Scott Boras. It's a character trait that helps get them to the highest level.

Flop 1: Baron Davis v. Okur

Flop 2: Horry v. Boozer (I'm not sure who the color man is during this broadcast, but his reaction is great.)

Flop 3: Raja Bell v. Ginobli (Playoff flop)

A quick YouTube search will turn up plenty of soccer flops. And I know BT will argue that none of the flops I posted above were clearly outcome determinative, like Grosso's flop in the box v. Australia in the 2006 World Cup. My only reply to that is: "Practice makes perfect."

P.S. I hated the idea of posting on top of Brooke Burke, so here's some Kristen Kreuk (Lana Lang from Smallville).

TGS Presents: Fun with Gossip

2007-11-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

The Chronicle's gossip page reports: "Former 'Baywatch' actor David Charvet is celebrating after learning his fiancee Brooke Burke is pregnant with the couple's second child.

"Charvet and model Burke are expecting their new baby in the spring.

"They already have a daughter, Heaven Rain, who was born in January, and Burke already has two girls from a previous marriage."

A quick review of the blurb reveals no less than three astounding facts. Can you spot them?

In order to assuage the guilt on my conscience from posting about pseudo-celebrity gossip, go visit www.freerice.com, a great site where you can help feed hungry people while improving your vocabulary (and hey, there is no way that my vocabulary could be deproved, am I right?).

Oldie But A Goodie

2007-11-13T11:07:00.001-08:00

A Hairy Situation

2007-10-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

Regarding the above picture, Little Thunder wonders (thunderwunder??):

A bear?

Bigfoot?

Or Dave Law chasing Remington with a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Fantastic?

***This post has been brought to you by The Mangroomer.

Steele Yourself

2007-10-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

After about a week of deliberation white smoke was finally spotted coming out of the vatican chimney. A decision has been made. The dog shall be named Remington - as in the razors, the guns or Steele - take your pick. The name has that British sounding ring we wanted for our english bulldog, but is also a strong, masculine name. The clincher for Lisa was that his nickname will be Remy (A French name, I know, but Lisa loves it).

Below are some pics of Remy, who has a discoverd a penchant for crawling under my furniture. This is a habit we're not discouraging since soon he won't fit under the couch.

There are more pics of him squeezing his but under some of my furniture, but b/c of the angle, the pics are NSFW.

Introducing Law Puppy

2007-10-16T11:57:00.001-07:00

As you can see, there's a new addition to the Law family. He's 100% English Bulldog. He's barely taller than the baseboard molding in my condo, but what he lacks in size, he makes up for in personality. He enjoys pooping on my hardwood floors, biting my feet and sleeping.

Last night he was glued to the TV as I flipped back and forth b/t Chuck, Heroes and Journeyman (NBC's New Fall Monday Night Lineup!) and the Giants-Falcons game. As a young puppy and a Giants fan, he took extra pleasure in their manhandling of Michael Vick's old team. The Giants are playing the Dolphins in London, England in 2 weeks. I think he'll enjoy the gratuitous shots of the old country at commercial breaks.

He doesn't have a name yet. The short list of names is currently:

Hudson (as in the river next to where he lives)
Samson (as in the strong man in the Bible and a nod to his muscular look)
Churchill (to celebrate his English heritage)

This list is subject to modification at any time at the caprices of my girlfriend. Other names in the running are Fitzgerald, Bentley, Winston, Brunswick, Maxwell. These names sound too pretentious somehow. Fitzgerald, Bentley and Winston have no connection to anything. The latter 2 names do have some meaning. My girlfriend was born in New Brunswick and the puppy's new home was built on the site of an old Maxwell House coffee plant. I still don't think they've got enough juice to crack the top 3.

I'll have more pictures and stories posted later this week.

Relative Thunder

2007-09-14T09:11:00.001-07:00

In keeping with TGS's storied traditions, I'm slapping a video up here after some downtime. This is courtesy of Big Thunder's younger brother, Ancillary Thunder. AT is a film student at a non-Ivy League university in the midwest. He is involved in the school's sketch comedy troupe, and wrote the below skit which I happened to enjoy.

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question

2007-08-28T07:51:00.001-07:00

Her daddy must be so proud! This video isn't as good as Larry Richette, the pride of PA, but it's worth the post.

TGS's Guy of the Week

2007-08-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

Meet Larry Richette. Son of a judge. Author. Alleged mother-beater. And now? Flasher. When approached by a local reporter regarding the whole, you know, beating up his mother issue, Larry responded in a less than friendly way.

The accompanying video is . . . well, its just amazing. And that's why Larry is TGS's inaugural Guy of the Week.*

[Update: YouTube (as usual) delivers]

*Please note that the TGS Guy of the Week award (TGSGOTWA) is unlikely to ever be awarded again, and certainly not on a weekly basis.

TGS Presents: Great Moments in Wikipedia

2007-08-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

[Spikeditor's note: This is the third* in an ongoing series of posts highlighting the best of Wikipedia, one of The Big Two's favorite websites.]

This GMIW is enjoyable because it is a particularly Wikipedian find. I have no idea what I originally was looking into, but I had clicked through a number of different topics before stumbling upon the page of Diana Dors, a British blonde bombshell of the 1950s. Ms. Dors lived an interesting life. Amongst other things, she was married to Richard Dawson, was friends with the last woman to be executed in England, and was on the cover (in the front row) of the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album. However, this GMIW highlights the anecdote told under the heading "Quote" in Ms. Dors' entry. You see, Dors was not her original surname. Diana had the unfortunate distinction of being born Diana Fluck. The anecdote describes an occasion when confusion over this name led to medium-to-high hilarity.

************************************

In a very loosely related note, some new radio stations have received very interesting call letters.

*An update on the second GMIW: I recently learned of a friend who not only has had a Scotch Egg, but who has them on a regular basis. They are served at a restaurant near his work in nearby Santa Clara. Full report to follow.

Sports Talk: Where We Talk 'a th' Sport!

2007-08-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

(For the uninitiated, "Sports Talk with Guy Guyerson" is a sports radio parody bit from the Ron & Fez show on XM202. For anyone who has ever listened to sports talk radio, the parody is hilarious.)

The Buffalo Sabres are selling "New York State Champs" t-shirts. Buffalo went pretty far in last season's NHL playoffs, beating the NY Islanders and the Rangers before ultimately losing to the Ottawa Senators in the Eastern Conference Finals. As ridiculous as it is to declare oneself "state champs", the Sabres really twisted the knife by including "each defeated team's name and score from their game against the Sabres" on the shirt. That's brilliant! Here's the sales blurb from the NHL shop website:

Celebrate the Buffalo Sabres victory and honor their hard work and dedication by wearing this New York State Champions short sleeve cotton tee shirt from Lee Sport. This officially licensed tee shirt is designed with the Buffalo Sabres New York State Champions graphic, Stanley Cup® logo, and eachdefeated team's name and score from their game against the Sabres
screen-printed on the chest.

TGS appreciates the arrogance of the Sabres and may end up following a bit more hockey this year, since this is a NY Giants website and the Giants are going to blow.

* * *

Dave Law has tickets to the Red Bulls game against David Bekham (and the LA Galaxy) on August 18th. The Galaxy are weak, nestled comfortably at the bottom of the West Conference table. They feature a crew of "has-been's" and "never-were's". The most personally disappointing of the "never-were's" for Dave Law is Chris Albright who pledged Dave Law's fraternity at UVa before leaving school in pursuit of his lackluster professional career.

The Red Bulls, on the other hand, are tied for 3rd in the East. I watched the Red Bulls lose a 1-0 heartbreaker to a less talented New England Revolution team on Bastille Day (July 14th - also the anniversary of the Azzuri's victory over the French). New England is currently in 1st place in the East but the Red Bulls were the better team that day. The Red Bulls have one of the most exciting players in the MLS, Juan Pablo Angel. Angel came from English club Aston Villa and he's a little older (Juan tiene treinta-dos anos) but he's fun to watch. With Angel as a striker and Claudio Reyna running the midfield, the Red Bulls have managed to put an explosive product on the field. Plus Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA were on hand for the coin flip for that Revolution game. They also created an explosive situation. Here are some pics:

I love that first picture because it's likely the photographer said to the beauty queens, in an innocent voice, "Turn around so I can get a shot of your names on the Red Bulls jerseys." He sure made certain the shot framed their asses. This is definitive proof that the photographer responsible for these shots was indeed a man. Anycrap... Of course, all of my pseudo-analysis as a casual fan means nothing because the game will most likely be a Bekham-induced circus with little chance of me enjoying quality soccer.

* * *

Barry Bonds has passed Hank Aaron as the "home run king", but Bonds keeps hitting home runs. I heard a discussion on sports talk radio this morning about how the IRS will value Bonds' 756th home run ball for tax purposes. Will they try to estimate the market value which could be $600,000 and tax the dude who caught it? Or will they value it at $5 until it's sold in an auction or something? Here's an interesting article from the SportingNews discussing the question. From what I remember of the tax code, the IRS has the authority to tax the kid who caught the ball based on the ball's estimated fair market value. The kid could argue with the IRS about what that is.

My question for sports fans and collectors of sports memorabilia is: Steroid investigations and A-Rod eclipsing Bonds in 5 years aside, doesn't the value of the 756th home run ball go down everytime Bonds hits another dinger? Wouldn't the last home run ball Bonds hits before he retires be the most valuable? Maybe someone at our sister site SportsMeat can anwer that.

Against the Law: Car Edition

2007-08-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

This morning I passed a complete douche on the NJ Turnpike. The NJ Turnpike is full of douches, so the fact that this guy stood out in a crowd of douches warrants blogging. The guy was a contemporary of mine - in his late 20's to early 30's. Given his perceived age, he committed two automotive atrocities. First, he was driving a crimson Chrysler Sebring convertible. With all due respect to Big Swinging D, who used to drive one of these things, the Chrysler Sebring convertible is a car for a housewife from a fly-over state who wants to "let her hair down a little" but not still drive a practical car with ample seating for 4 and a spacious trunk (In fairness to Chrysler, the 2008 Sebring convertible is much better looking than previous models). In the future under Dave's Law, Chryler Sebrings will all have electronic devices which prevent ignition if the car detects a penis in the driver's seat. The douche's second infraction was that he had a vanity plate (from NY, but I'll let that slide today) which read "DAPRDAV". Vanity plates are the "puns" of the "vehicle personalization world". They're the refuge of the witless but occassionally you'll come across a funny pun/vanity plate. "DAPRDAV" is not funny.

* * *

Nissan Altima Coupe

Once again the car industry has earned my contempt. Nissan has introduced an Altima Coupe that is clearly a rebadged Infiniti G35 (the car I drive). Here are some pictures of both cars.

First the Altima

And the G35 Coupe

My car is almost 5, which is old for a car model, but it has been able to retain a lot of the cachet that accompanied it off the lot. I still get compliments at gas stations and lingering stares on highways. Nissan is destroying a beautiful car's legacy among luxury cars by rebadging it (and repricing it) as a MUCH CHEAPER Nissan. BMW's and Mercedes' designs from past decades still look like luxury cars, and in some cases they've aged into classics, because they were never rebadged. The G35 coupe could have been a classic too.

This month Nissan will replace the G35 with a G37 on Infiniti lots. The jury is still out on whether the design is a hit. So far the reviews of the G37 have been positive. Personally, I like the look of the new G sedan and expect I'll like the G37 coupe. Regardless, Nissan has broken "The Law" for rebadging the most innovative and beautifully designed Infiniti of the past 20 years. A car that reinvigorated the Infiniti name and heralded a new age of success for Nissan motors has now been forever cheapened. The next time I spend $30k+ on a luxury car, I will only buy from a manufacturer who does not engage in such blatant re-badging.

* * *

Legal Briefs

This "dude" summering in Belmar got acquainted with draconian municipal ordinances down there. The local politicians are just tilting at windmills. They'll never reverse the beach/party culture that is so firmly entrenched in NJ's collective consciousness that it's become a rite of passage for NJ youth (and NY and PA youth unfortunately). See NJGuido.com, the Miss NJ scandal and Antonella Barba pics for evidence of the shore culture's influence on NJ. These kids have plenty of money to pay trivial fines which can be viewed alternatively as the cost of a license to party.

NJ.com has added a page entitled Hoboken Now, which despite the weak name, is an excellent resource for both Hoboken residents and fans of the Mile Square City alike.

Because Nobody Has Posted in ... Like ... Years ...

2007-07-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

Blimey!

2007-07-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

Its good to be the ~~King~~ Prince.

O.P. in '08

2007-07-10T07:56:00.001-07:00

More Than Meets the Eye

2007-07-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

A scene from the new Transformers movie (which I am indeed anxious to see):

Friday Afternoon

2007-06-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

Here's an uncanny portrayal of Big Thunder on a Friday afternoon at work:

http://view.break.com/317088 - Watch more free videos

That head is amazing ... its like an orange on a toothpick ... its a virtual planetoid ... it has its own weather system ... (head comments courtesy of Stuart Mackenzie).

Theme Addendum

2007-06-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

For those Spikeheads who aren't, you know, batsh*t insane (or huge Staci Keanan fans), here is the TV theme song ranked as the sixth greatest of all time, by new - and possibly short-lived - poster BSD.

I can say without reservation that the My Two Dads theme song could be among the ten worst that I have ever heard.

Also, in completely unrelated 'Tubing, here's a fascinating compilation of movie scenes that utilize the Wilhelm Scream.

Did you guys know about this? It does not ring a bell for me...

Good Music on TV

2007-06-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that whether we want to admit it or not, we all love TV for one reason or another. These days, especially now that the Sopranos is over, I don't really watch much other than Mets games, which is still usually about a 3-hour sit down every day. But in the past, I've had my various TV show addictions, so I can definitely relate to people who go around singing the theme song to one of their favorite shows. There's actually almost nothing more irritating than getting one of those songs stuck in your head for days on end. So in an attempt to try to irritate all of you by putting some TV show theme songs in your heads, here is what I consider to be the top 10 best TV show theme songs of all time (1 is the best):

1. Sopranos
2. Wonder Years
3. Cheers
4. Mash
5. Greatest American Hero
6. My Two Dads
7. Fresh Prince of Bel-air
8. Monkees
9. Friends
10. Ducktales

Also receiving votes: L.A. Law, Boston Legal, Mission Impossible, Family Ties, and Happy Days.

Cornell Law School 5 Year Reunion

2007-06-15T06:34:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd just post photos from reunion weekend as they trickle in. I'll save the commentary on the weekend for later.

These two pics are from our Finger Lakes region wine tour. BT made the arrangements for the wine tour from the Left Coast and he did a fantastic job. Just take a look at the tour bus...

That's an actual photo from the bus company's website. I have to tell you - we did "Get Respect". All the rest of the winos out on the Finger Lakes wine trail would step out of the way when they saw us roll up. Even the most organized of the other tour groups only had a re-painted school bus driving them around.

Go Nuts!

2007-06-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Why don't we get a 3 day weekend for today's national holiday? D'oooooohhhh.

Don't forget to go to your local Krispy Kreme retailer for a free doughnut, hot from the oven.

Thunderlinks: This Won't End Well...

2007-05-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

A batch of fresh links, recently scoured from the Internets:

I've never seen this person before, but she used to look WAAAAAY better than she does now.
Finally, this fad dies out.
A very cool look at the stones marking the boundary of the District of Columbia (a special for our loyal reader and part-time commenter, A-nonymous).
This next link is becoming an almost daily visit of mine. As all loyal Spikeheads know, this is very much a dog friendly blog. However, this site cracks me up. Oh fine, some favs:

And finally, what do you get when you have three registered sex offenders, one an amputee, confronting each other? An average day in Florida. What happens when you add a 42 inch Samurai sword? This won't end well...

Legal Addendum to Thunderlinks (with less mandatory reading)

Snakes on the Mother F!#$%ing Plane!?! Dave Law carries a single snake wherever he travels, but that one is enough. He can't respect a man who needs to compensate for something by carrying 699 more.

In keeping with Big Thunder's theme, this certainly didn't end well. Please forgive the link to "Zanny Videos" but NJ is cracking down on the posting of this video. Consequently I couldn't find it on YouTube. The editors of TGS do not find this footage "Zanny" in any way.

Here are more gratuitous pics of Miss Universe contestants. I love Miss Italy in this one. I wish we could vote at home for Miss Universe. Every week morons living in fly-over states collectively spend millions of dollars voting for talent-less hacks on American Idol. Why can't I text in votes for Miss Bolivia and Miss Italy?

Finally, Pinch Hitter is my time-waster du jour.

A. B. C.

2007-05-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

A Always
B Be
C Closing

BlockBuster Total Access/NetFlix Queue

2007-05-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

Here's what my Blockbuster Total Access queue is looking like these days. Creating a movie queue kind of feels like making a mix-tape in junior high (for a dissertation on making mix-tapes read "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby). Like the mix-tape, the movie queue is all about sequence. As far as I can tell, the 2 prime directives are 1) don't put "heavy" movies or dockumentaries back-to-back; and 2) don't group too many new releases together or you're in danger of running out and then you'll be left with nothing but classics that you've already seen. I'm bending the second rule a bit b/c this is my first month on the plan.

Shaun of the Dead
Rocky Balboa [WS]
Machinist
Eragon [WS]
Last King of Scotland
Flags of Our Fathers
Children of Men
Adaptation
Brazil
Father Ted: Series 1
Break-Up
Bourne Supremacy
Who the !@#$ is Jackson Pollock?
Run Lola Run
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Hostage
World Trade Center
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Bobby
Volver

Who's in the Mood for a Little Mexican?

2007-05-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

A bevy of buxom beauties has descended upon Cancun, Mexico but unlike American co-eds with low self-esteem these women will not be lifting up their shirts for free baseball caps or t-shirts. (Sorry, Joe Francis.) They are contestants in the 2007 Miss Universe pageant which will be held later this month in beautiful Mexico City. I hope at least one of them forgets to take off the Senor Frogs wristband before the evening gown competition.

Front Runners - Bolivia and Brazil

This picture stole my heart and captured my imagination. I'm floored by these women (Miss Bolivia, left, Miss Brazil, center, Miss Peru, right - We don't need to use real names here, do we?). Clearly, Misses Bolivia and Brazil are masters of the fine art of "working" a swimwear pose. They make Miss Peru look like a chump. Miss Bolivia looks like a hot Minnie Driver and Miss Brazil could be Jessica Simpson's twin. I'd like to teach her a lesson about "Chicken of the Sea" tuna. (I don't know what that lessson would be but it sounds dirty.) Here's some more gratuituous shots of the early favorites:

Excuse me while I cool off for a second...

That's better.

Miss (?) Greece

Now that I've regained my composure let's have a look at the rest of the field. It's not all sultry South Americans. For example, THIS is the best that Greece had to offer -

She wouldn't get past the bouncer at many of the clubs I frequent. Of course, getting past bouncers usually runs me about $100. I shouldn't talk. Then again, I'm not competing for Miss Universe. Do they get Maxim in Greece? Maxim sounds like a Greek name, right? FHM? Playboy? They must have some concept of what a hot girl looks like. Isn't Troy in Greece? Wasn't Helen of Troy? I'm baffled.

Miss Japan

Let's get back to some talent. The Japanese are relying on the time-tested strategy that everyone loves the rare, large-breasted Asian. It's kind of like finding the green-eyed Chinese girl that the bad guy in Big Trouble in Little China needed to come back to life. And I don't mean Kim Cattrell - that was cheating.

Adorable... I hope she wears the same "National Costume" that Miss Japan 2006 wore last year. I'd fall on that sword. (Again - jibberish - but it sounds good)

Miss Cyprus

Miss Cyprus is just as cute as a button. She doesn't have a prayer against the big-boy countries like Brazil, but I like the fact that the little Mediterranean island-country still has a dog in this fight. That phrase doesn't seem to work here... They still have a horse in this race? No, not quiet. Whatever... here's the pics....

Not every small nation fared quite so well...

Miss Lichtenstein

My editors have prevented me from posting a pic of Miss Lichtenstein for quality control reasons. Here's a link. (Caveat Clicker) Poor girl didn't even get a ticket to Mexico. I wonder what the national beauty pageant in Lichtenstein looks like. Was the runner-up a goat?

And now let's have a peep at the rest of my favorites from the field...

Miss Italy

Miss Germany

Miss Guatemala

Miss Lebanon

Miss Mexico

Miss Venezuela

Clearly at this stage of the competition I'm stirred by the entrants from the latin countries. They seem quiet adept at striking half-constipated looking, really hot poses when the cameras are trained on them. Your correspondents here at TGS will try to follow the competition as much as possible over the next month. Looking at these pictures inspires us to exercise more and eat less, so it'll be a net net - win win endeavor.

That Granny Can Roll

2007-05-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

Via Nataliedee.com.

Stupid Google Trick

2007-04-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York " in the first box on the top left (the "from" box)
5. type "London " (works with Rome, Paris, Berlin, etc...) in the second box on the top right (the "to" box)
6. click get directions
7. scroll down to step #24

Movie Quiz

2007-04-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

My buddy, "Z, The Last Letter" sent me a simple movie quiz. The instructions are just to pick one of the three in each group. I took 5 minutes to respond and thought I'd blog my picks. Movie opinions always spark interesting debates so feel free to comment.

1. Goodfellas, Casino, or Godfather? Casino shouldn’t even be in the running.

2. Star Trek, Star Wars, or Stargate? Star Wars was ruined by its creator, the Stargate movie was great, the series was OK, Star Trek still holds the crown.

3. Road Warrior, Waterworld, Escape from New York? Toss up b/t Escape from NY and Road Warrior – the Road Warrior series was better than the Escape sequel but Snake Pliskin is the man.

4. Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours? Tough category. All 3 were groundbreaking, but the chemistry b/t Danny Glover and Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon redefined the buddy flick.

5. Spiderman, Batman Begins, Superman? The 1980 Superman had incredible special effects for the day, which still hold up, the sound track rivals Star Wars and Gene Hackman gave a tour de force performance.

6. Hulk, Daredevil, or Ghost Rider? I refuse to pick one. (Note: I haven’t even seen Ghost Rider.)

7. The Patriot, Glory, Last of the Mohicans? Patriot was weak. Mohicans was good, but Glory noses it out. BTW – 3 Mel Gibson film out of 7 categories? Did this quiz come from Australia or the religious right?

8. Sleepless in Seattle, Serendipity, or A Lot Like Love? Kate Beckinsale > Meg Ryan > Ashton Kutcher.

9. Terminator, Robocop, Universal Soldier? Terminator wins for its vivid, apocolyptic vision of the future, the one-liners and Arnold at the top of his game.

10. Aliens, Predator, or ? No third option here. Aliens wins anyway. It was a great space thriller with a great tag line – “In space, no one can hear you scream.” or something like that.

11. Casino Royale, Bourne Identity, The Saint? Tougher category than I thought. I really like the Saint, but Daniel Craig is the best Bond since Connery.

12. Cars, Shrek, Incredibles? Another toss up. Shrek gets the nod for having more adult humor.

13. The Day After Tomorrow, Armageddon, Twister? If you’re going to make a formula “popcorn” movie your name had better be “Jerry Bruckheimer”. Also, Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt suck.

14. Deep Blue Sea, Jaws, Open Water? Jaws would win based on the quotability of the script alone. Everything Quint says can be repeated in a bar.

15. Dodgeball, Anchorman, Old School? 3 great movies, but Anchorman wins on re-watchability. Honorable mention to Dodgeball for Jason Bateman’s performance as an announcer on The Ocho.

16. Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, We were Soldiers? Kubrik outsmarted himself a bit on FMJ. Great movie but Oliver Stone just made a more enjoyable film to watch. Plus, it paved the way for Charlie Sheen to play Bud Fox in Wall Street.

17. Saving Private Ryan, Flags of our Fathers, Pearl Harbor? In all honesty I haven’t seen Flags of our Fathers but I can’t imagine there’s a better scene in any modern war movie than when Adam Goldberg loses his hand-to-hand fight with the Nazi soldier and take a bayonet tip to the heart.

18. We Three Kings, Black Hawk Down, Jarhead? We Three Kings was a good story told well. Plus I have a soft-spot for George Clooney. Jamie Foxx ruined Jarhead.

19. Fight Club, Seven, 8mm? Tough call b/t Fight Club and Seven. I’ve only seen Seven once and I liked it, but after the initial shock I doubt it holds up as well as Fight Club.

20. Rambo, Commando? No question here - Over 20 years later, Stallone's Rambo is just slightly more dated/ridiculous than Schwarzenegger's John Matrix. This movie started the retarded practice of giving Schwarzenegger's characters uber-American names like "John Matrix".

Plus lines like:

Rae Dawn Chung: "What happened to Sully?" Matrix: "I let him go" (after dropping Sully off a cliff)

Matrix to flight attendant: "Please don't disturb my friend. He's dead tired." (after snapping the dude's neck and propping him against the plane window with a pillow)

21. Nightmare of Elm Street, Halloween, or Friday the 13th? I liked the first Halloween the best out of these 3, despite Jamie Lee Curtis.

22. Gladiator, Troy, or Alexander? This isn’t even close.

23. Fifth Element, Independence Day, War of the Worlds? Again, not even close. The 5th element was Luc Besson’s obsession and it shows. The other two were made to sell tickets and it shows.

24. Italian Job, Fast and the Furious, Gone in 60 seconds? Love the “Point Break” remake.

25. Godzilla, King Kong, Jurassic Park? None of these movies will ever make my NetFlix queue.

TGS Presents: Great Moments in Wikipedia

2007-04-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

[Spikeditor's note: This is the second in an ongoing series of posts highlighting the best of Wikipedia, one of The Big Two's favorite websites.]

Recently, while reading up on the fine cuisine of Great Britain, I came across a dish of which I had been previously unaware: the Scotch Egg (left, obv). Has anyone heard of this? I'll leave it to the 'Pedia to explain. "A Scotch egg consists of a cold, hard-boiled egg removed from its shell, wrapped in a sausage meat mixture, coated in breadcrumbs, and deep-fried." Mmm... Infarctioriffic! Unsurprisingly, the sausage / egg / heart-stopping grease is not enough -- the delicacy is often served with ranch dressing. You know, to give it that "zing." I hate to admit it, but I would really have no qualms with trying one out.

The dish is actually not Scottish, but - as you'll see below - Scotland is the undeniable world leader in deep frying. Just in case the picture and description above insufficiently describe the dish, Ricky Gervais kindly expands upon how it is made.

This Great Moment in Wikipedia made me think about how much I enjoy a good deep-fried . . . well, anything, so long as it is deep-fried.* I considered the good ol' USA's contribution to the deep-fried food genre. We're big on a lot of deep-fried dishes: chicken, potatoes (in chip and fry form), mozzarella sticks, even chicken-fried steak. And many will be familiar with such gluttonous recipes as deep-fried twinkies and Mars bars. But to which of these and other great fry-inventions can the US proudly claim ownership? Here's a handy scorecard:

Fried chicken. A delicious homage to the American south, right? Wrong. Originally Scottish (though the red, white and blue can proudly say that we have the vastly superior chicken nugget, first dreamed up by Professor Robert C. Baker of, ahem, Cornell University).
French Fries. A powerhouse of an American dish, named in obvious mockery of those sniveling, rarely-bathed frogs, right? Wrong. Four countries (Belgium, France, Spain and the UK) lay claim to its creation.

Doughnuts. These greasy rings o' goodness seem like they must have originated in the northeast, magically coming to life in a Dunkin' Donuts franchise alongside a 74 ounce cup of pipin' hot coffee. Although many countries have their own favorite versions of sweet, deep fried dough, I'm claiming this one for the Yanks! Burly mariner Hanson Gregory is commonly credited for putting the hole in the donut, and I ain't gonna tell you how he did it.

But those, while great, are just so . . . ordinary. Let's get extreme:

Deep fried pizza. Oh hell yeah. We need to import this stuff by the boatload. Again, the Scottish beat us to the punch.
Pork rind. Have you ever really thought about this? Crispy-pig-skin-in-a-bag? Ugh. I'll only eat these if I have a full vat of ranch dressing handy. From England.
Fried pies. "[E]njoyed by many people who do not even like pie."
Fried Twinkies. Made by a Brooklynite. Summed up nicely by the New York Times: "Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor. . . The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way. The piece de resistance, however, is a ruby-hued berry sauce, adding a tart sophistication to all that airy sugary goodness." Good lord am I hungry.
Fried Mars Bars. Though the delicious main ingredient comes from the uber-secretive Mars, Incorporated in McLean, Va, the kilt-wearers outsmarted us on this one too.
Fried Coke. Now we're getting somewhere. Some good ol' fashioned Texan ingenuity. Now watch this shot.
Fried butter balls. OK, at this point, the namer has just given up. But when you look at the recipe, well, it is for fried butter balls. Note: the FDA has only approved this dish for service within 20 feet of an operating room. I can only presume that this is from Texas as well.
And finally, the danger dog. This sensation is from south of the border. "There is a tradition in New Jersey of serving hot dogs that have been deep-fried in boiling oil until they rip apart ('rippers') or just blister lightly (an 'in and outer')." Dave Law, my esteemed colleague from Jersey, has often said that there is nothing he enjoys waking up to more than a good in and outer. However, I suspect that he really prefers to man up and take in a ripper.

*Please note: the author was once served deep fried vegetables by his fraternity's cook. The vegetables consisted mainly of carrots and green beans. Believe it or not, even the author refused to eat this horrible food.

Is this Ironic?

2007-04-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

A question for the readership: What is the official overcompensatory testosterony ultraheteromale party line on Alanis Morrissette?

This question (obviously) has two main subparts: music and hotness.

First, the music. Are we allowed to like it? The first that any of us non-maple syrup types heard of her was "You Oughta Know," which I'll go ahead and say is a pretty kick-ass song. Yeah, yeah, I know. Joey Gladstone and all. But still, she rips through it with more testosterone than most of the Hootie and the Blowfish-inspired drivel that passed as rock at the time. Also, she seems like it would be fun to go with her to the theater.

Its not that I think about her or her music very often - which reminds me, the whole impetus of this post was this fantastic video that she put out:

The video reminded me of part of the reason I like her. She's always pretty creative and somewhat ballsy. Although I don't like the way that she does the weird overpronouncing thing when she sings.

Anyhow, wanted to get the official line on whether I should change my tune re: the Alanis music question.

Now, as to the Alanis hotness question, you'd think I could answer that with no problem. But again, I'm confused. There are times (like the above pic) when I think she looks good. She's not a model, not a sexpot, not conventionally "hot," but she looks very good (I think). The answer to the question (you know what question) is "Yes." Then there are times when seeing her makes me want to stick my head in the microwave.

Nevermind. I think I just made my decision.

Resolution

2007-04-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

AJ sure seems to be the focal point of the picture above . . . I'm just sayin'...

Thunderupdate: 05 in '07 ... Oops

2007-04-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

[Spikeditors note: BT has foolishly vowed to complete 6 - erm, I mean 5 - half marathons during 2007.]

I'd like to smugly report to my fans that I've been training hard, that my weight is falling and that my performance is improving, but sadly that is not the case. Soon after my first miserable half marathon, my training grinded to a halt. Life got in the way. Oh, wait, no. Strike that. Laziness got in the way. It started with a couple of extremely busy weeks at work, followed by the unexpected news that my entire apartment building was being evicted in order to sell the units. This necessitated finding a place, packing, moving and unpacking, a process which pretty much became final yesterday (new apartment picture post to come). However, I certainly could have continued running. And I didn't. I went for a stretch of about 4 full weeks without a workout.

So where does that leave me? Out of shape. And in a bit of trouble. Last week I re-started my training. Yesterday I huffed and puffed through 6 slow and painful miles. Today I pulled up my training schedule (created in early February) and found out that, in order to be on pace for my next half marathon, yesterday's run was supposed to be 9 smooth and easy miles. Uh-oh. I've got some catching up to do.

Also, during my hiatus from exercising, I gained back a number (not all) of the 14 pounds that I lost in January. Not unrelated, over the weekend of my 30th birthday (that's right, I was born with the Apple II. And Takako Matsu), I will be reuniting (and it will feel so good) with a number of my Ivy League law school classmates. And I need to look at least as good as I did during law school. OK, so I'm setting my goals low. Sue me. Therefore, I am instituting a sub-theme of 05 in '07:

Thunderloses: 30 by 30.

That's right. 30 lbs by the time I turn 30. I started last Wednesday at X pounds. So, from that date, I had 72 days in which to lose 30 lbs. That may be a stretch, but its a worthwhile goal. I was losing at about that rate in January when I lost 14.5 over 30 days. So why not go for it? So far I've lost 3 lbs in 5 days. An ok start, but I am just now really beginning to fight. No bad foods, no lazy days, nothing but good health until the reunion (at which point I gorge myself on food and booze). I'll be keeping you Spikeheads up to date over the course of this project. Wish me luck!

Thunderlinks: S.W.A.K.

2007-03-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick batch of tasty links hot and fresh out the kitchen.

I'm a little disappointed that Dave Law has been visiting the Bay Area without letting me know.
I don't know much about MMA fighters, but I do know this - I would not use the following stare-down tactic.

I feel sorry for the girl and all, but this is a pretty amazing picture.
I just could not stop watching the following video. For some reason it makes me feel ... proud.

And finally dear Spikeheads, prepare yourself for the rare TGS picture post! The Thunders will be rolling into Napa, CA this weekend for some wine tasting. Our itinerary includes two nights in a plush suite at this ritzy B&B (many thanks to Big Al and the girls, K-Fum, and the Mazzinator for the gift certificate - the Thunders would never roll into that place for full price), multiple winery visits, including a cave tour here (nicknamed "Del Blotto"), and dinners at these fine restaurants (the latter run by Thomas Keller, named the best chef in America by Time, and owner of two two restaurants - of just four in the US - that received three star ratings from Michelin). Needless to say, we're looking forward to it.

Das Hooters

2007-03-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

This is a pic from a Hooters that was recently opened in Germany. It’s great to see our country exporting such high culture. You can’t quite see s/his adam’s apple but I have a high degree of confidence that the chick in the back is a dude.

Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator

2007-03-09T11:43:00.001-08:00

Brilliant! Just in time for my weekend!

Breakfast Blend

2007-03-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

I've discovered a fun diversion thanks to the folks at Will It Blend (dot com). I wasted a good 20 minutes last Friday watching the charismatic Tom Dickson blend stuff. I found the “Try this at home” section just as intriguing as the “Don’t try this at home”. Some of the highlights include a golf driver, glow sticks, and magnets. It kind of makes me want to buy a new blender. Here's the link.

TGS Confessions

2007-03-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

***After 2 weeks of no posting, both Dave Law and I have awoken to give a little something to our adoring masses. Please do not ignore DL's brilliant YouTube find below.***

As the title implies, I have a confession to make. It is regarding a personal preference of mine. One that sets me apart from most men my age. It is a preference that I've had for years. Nobody knows my secret. It hadn't come up until last Sunday night. Lil' Thunder and I went to a friend's place to catch the Oscars. As I settled in, I noticed that Ellen Degeneres was hosting. And that's when my painful secret bubbled to the surface.

No, I'm not gay (NTTAWWT). In fact, I believe that my secret is even worse. You see ... I ... I like Ellen Degeneres.

There. I said it. Its out. I can't take it back. I like her. I think she's funny. I think she's good at hosting awards shows and doing stand up.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like her talk show. Well, I don't think so -- I never saw it. And her sitcom? Not even hot girl-on-girl action (well, room temparature perhaps) could make me watch. But she's a funny comedian. Her goofy standup is really amusing. And while she wasn't really laugh-out-loud funny at the Oscars, she consistently delivered chuckles for me. And for what its worth, people "in the know" give her props for her standup. In fact, she was ranked 16th on Comedy Central's list of the best standups of all time (ahead of greats like Sam Kinison, Don Rickles, Bob Hope, George Burns, and Sinbad - just checking to see if you are still reading). Though to be fair, Roseanne is ranked #9, ahead of Eddie Murphy, so the list is pretty much best used as toilet paper.

Now I'm going to have to spend the entire weekend in the shower, scrubbing myself raw...

Help The Police

2007-03-02T11:34:00.001-08:00

Law Briefs: Fat Tuesday Edition

2007-02-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Fat Tuesday TGS readers. Hope you find a baby in your king cake. Fat Tuesday or "Mardi Gras" is celebrated around the world. It's one heck of a way to kick-off a religious season.

Here's a gratuitous pic from Brazil's Carnival! Not that I mind, but couldn't that dancer on the left even out her tan lines before sporting that "costume". She lives in Brazil. Don't they all sunbathe topless anyway?

Devil Inside Like all women we know, Bridget Moynahan has a serious evil streak. Seeing the writing on the wall regarding her impending break-up with the butt-chinned Tom Brady, she seduced him one last time and she pulled the keeper. I apologize for using a hockey metaphor in a football story but it's a Seinfeld reference - look it up. Didn't Brady learn anything from the Lou Gossett classic "An Officer and a Gentleman"? Despite playing for Boston, knocking up his ex-girlfriend and having a HUGE crevasse in his chin, clearly Brady has some degree of intelligence. (Golden Nugget: the aptly named Gisele Bundchen is from Brazil).

Here's some more of the Brady-Moynahan dirt courstesy of the NY Post:

"Bridget didn't even bother to tell him she was going to go public with this,"
said a friend [of Brady]. Some say that Moynahan, three months expectant with her first child, "may have gotten pregnant on purpose. She is 36, wanted a baby, and Tom was dumping her. It's a little suspicious." But a friend of Moynahan said,
"Please. They dated for three years and they broke up in December - right around
the time he found out she was pregnant and he immediately started dating Gisele
Bundchen. Who's the gross one here?"

Excellent use of the word "gross" by Moynahan's friend. That kind of clever vocabulary in break-up situations like this really transports us back to high school. Ah, the good ol' days... Hope Brady got his varsity jacket back.

Rubbin' is Racin' For the first time EVER , I watched part of a NASCAR race this Sunday (not counting Days of Thunder, which I've seen 14 times). I was on the treadmill at the gym and couldn't find anything else to watch. I've never been much inclined to spend 4 hours watching hillbillies make left turns, but this Daytona 500 delivered the goods. There was good competition, a satisfying number of wrecks and a photo finish. It definitely helped that the photo finish looked exactly like the finish of the final race in Day of Thunder. I'm not saying I'll be watching NASCAR races every Sunday until football starts back up, but I'll admit this race has piqued my interest.

SIRIUS Merger XM and Sirius satellite radio have announced that they will attempt to merge the two companies. As an XM subscriber, I'm tickled by the prospect - I'll get Stern and O&A, MLB and NFL plus all the commercial-free music I can stand. Hope they can sell the Federalis on this merger idea.

And now, some more pics from Carnival... What?!? I'm just showing appreciation for different cultures. Don't be so provincial! (I'm glad they don't parade many dudes around in banana hammocks.)

Tribute Rappers

2007-02-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday night was Dave Law's XXXth birthday (I'm still riding the SuperBowl wave so I'm sticking w/ roman numerals) and we celebrated in true Jersey fashion by crossing the river into NYC to see a Bruce Springsteen cover band - Bruce in the USA (not to be confused with The B Street Band). The show was fantastic and somewhere between my 5th Michelob Ultra and 10th Birthday shot, I was struck with a brilliant business idea. I guess my inner-entrepreneur doesn't drink as much as I do. It occurred to me that we just don't see rap tribute "bands" or impersonators!

How could a road show featuring Tupac and Biggie impersonators fail?

What could possibly go wrong?

I have supreme confidence in my ability to sell such an act in New York, Vegas, and South Beach. So, next month TGS will be holding open auditions, American Idol-style (I get to be Simon), to cast this act.

SBXLI II (longest post ever)

2007-02-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

After 2 days of chipping aways at this post, here are more pics from Dave Law's trip to SuperBowl XLI

Official NFL Pre-Party on Saturday night (cont. from PART I)

Here's Blondie looking like she's literally about to die on stage of old age at the aforementioned NFL pre-party. You've got to love the personal style of that cowgirl from Chicago in the foreground.

Ring from the NY Giants' second SuperBowl victory - tastefully designed.

Ring from the Patriots 3rd SuperBowl victory - obnoxiously large and gaudy - not entirely unlike many Mass-holes I know.

Dave Law cases the ring display and passes out shortly thereafter.

* * *

GAME DAY

The official NFL Tailgate was just as decadent as the NFL Pre-Party on Saturday. There were just as many open bars (all top shelf) at the tailgate as there were at the Saturday night party as well as self-service ice baths (which were continuously being replenished with good beer), wine stations and frozen drink bars (not the best day for a frozen drink, but fun nonetheless). As you can see by the flat-screens behind the pseudo-asian/possibly Hawaiian bartender, the NFL kept with the "throw-back" entertainment at the Tailgate. That's Stevie Nicks up there crooning about a landslide or something. Chris Isaak also performed (or so I'm told).

The paella line was at least 20 midwestern rubes deep, but man was it worth the wait. That chef sure could sling paella.

More NFL Tailgate scenery. Note the carpets, pool tables and lounge furniture. This is all in a parking lot at Dolphins stadium.

* * *

GAME TIME

After Stevie Nicks finished her set (which included way too many unfamiliar "new" songs, i.e., anything after 1982), it was time to enter the Stadium. We had already passed through security on the way into the Tailgate so we had no further impediments between us and the game. I processed this nugget of information and formulated a plan to address my substantial first-half drinking needs. On our way out of the Tailgate and into the stadium, we hit one of the self-service beer baths and loaded Lisa's bag up with some road sodas. Once planted in our seats we didn't have to move again or wait on any beer lines until half-time.

Many fans of TGS who are being introduced to Lisa for the first time through this post may wonder how an average Joe like me is dating a girl as beautiful as Lisa. One answer is my inspired genius in situations like the official NFL Tailgate. (a more elaborate answer includes a dissertation on the many ways I am in fact above average - I'll spare you). Lisa was easily one of the better looking women at the SuperBowl. Plus it's in a setting where there was probably only 1 woman for every 3 guys. In the future I will post on my various strategies for defending my "territory" in social situations which are characterized by a high male-to-female ratio such as sporting events. Needless to say, I had to play a lot of defense. I'm calling on the NFL to hire better-looking female bartenders (see Hawaii 5-0 above) to distract more men and make my job easier.

These pictures give a pretty good indication of how close to the field we actually were. The seats were in Row 13 at about the 35 yard line. Nice ... (read that last word in the voice of Borat)

That girl with Lisa is Colleen, our host from the Buffalo Bills. She couldn't have been nicer or more accomodating. Whenever TGS meets someone from upstate NY, they're warmth reminds TGS of why we never froze while being trained as IVY LEAGUE LAWYERS in the tundra that is Ithaca, NY. Our entire row was filled with folks from the Bills organization. (Golden Nugget: Bills owner Ralph Wilson is an alum of Dave Law's fraternity at UVA.)

Jim Kelly was sitting 3 seats to my right. Having been drinking all day, my teeth began to float right around half-time. The seal was about to be broken. After that I could be getting up every 10 minutes or so (assuming I kept up my torrid drinking pace). I became concerned about how to pass in front of an NFL dignitary and Bills Hall of Famer Jim Kelly. I was faced with the enduring question for sports fans and frequent flyers - ass or crotch? Do I face Mr. Kelly as I pass, thereby showing him my junk, or do I face away from him and show him my backside? Mind you, I was absolutely soaked by the rain and my jeans were clinging to me. At this point, I was too drunk to come up with an answer on my own so I texted my brother and BT to seek their advice.

BT's response: "Start a Hostetler chant!" BT - ever the NFL Historian.

Mike's response: "Ask him to show you his SuperBowl ring. Oh wait! He never won."

No help there. Thanks guys.

CBS stage which collapsed onto itself once the game started. Very cool.

Chris Collinsworth (black cap) was sitting 2 rows in front of us. I was honored to be so close to "greatness". (How do you type sarcasm again?).

The Piano Man singing our National Anthem. The original "She's-With-Him?!?" guy, Billy shared some of tips for defending his territory during the '80s. Of course, his marriage to Christie Brinkley failed, then karma bit her in that sweet little keester of hers when her fourth husband cheated on her with this innocent, 19-year old girl.

Pictures from the Cirque du Soleil pre-game show which can only be described as "faggy".

Kick-off! Famously returned for a touchdown by Devin Hester. That's right, the same SOB who returned a missed field goal for a touchdown against the Giants. I'm not bitter. That runback really fired up the crowd.

Some gratuitous pics of Prince's half-time show.

Final score Indianapolis Colts 29, Chicago Bears 17

The Highly Anticipated and Much Ballyhooed SuperBowl XLI Post

2007-02-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

That's right gang, Dave Law attended SuperBowl XLI in Florida. Sorry for the delay in posting but I spent most of the week trying to spend the singles I had leftover from the Miami gentleman's clubs.

Anyway, thanks to Dave Law's SuperBowl sponsors - Lisa Girlfriend, JetBlue Airways and the Buffalo Bills - all accomodations were absolutely first rate. Even our seats for the game were fantastic - 13 rows up from the field at about the 35 yard line. These were the best seats I've ever had for an NFL game and it was the SuperBowl! Too bad the actual football was so mediocre. It had the potential to be a classic, the weather favored the underdog Bears and they should have won (thereby saving Dave Law tons of ~~money~~ pride at ~~bodog.com~~ the 'Meat). Unfortunately, rumor has it that Sexy Rexy was apparently out boozing until 3AM at Rolexx on South Beach and managed to screw the game up pretty good.

Enough of my poorly informed sports analysis. Without further ado, here come the pics (with limited commentary)

Dave and Lisa at the "Official" NFL Pre-Party on Saturday night. This party featured the fresh sounds of New Edition, REO Speedwagon and Blondie (who I think was hooked up to a ventilator). Those groovey medals were our "tickets".

Dave Law at the same NFL party (ergo the medals) with some random fans of TGS who recognized him and demanded a picture. I forget their names, but here's their blog. It offers commentary on the weekend from the perspective of a ~~nutcase~~ woman.

I have to admit that despite the entertainment (which was fun in a campy way) the NFL throws a great party - open bars every 100 feet or so, souvenir tickets, great buffets and fireworks.

Well it's 5 O'clock on a Friday so I'll have to continue this post at a later time... Probably tomorrow while I'm aimlessly waiting for house-hunters to come by my condo (which is for sale by the way). Even if somone shows, they probably won't have the stones to make an offer and even if they make an offer the probably won't qualify for a mortgage. Such is the life of a Real Estate mogul. Hasta Manana (picked that up in Miami).

PART II

ACC Standings

2007-02-07T06:54:00.000-08:00

Atlantic Coast Conference
TEAM CONF W-L TOTAL W-L
Virginia 8-2 16-6
Boston College 7-2 16-6
North Carolina 6-2 20-3
Virginia Tech 6-3 16-7
Duke 5-4 18-5
Florida State 5-4 17-6
Clemson 4-5 18-5
Georgia Tech 4-6 15-8
Maryland 3-6 17-7
North Carolina State 3-6 13-9
Miami (FL) 2-7 9-14
Wake Forest 2-8 11-12

SBXLI post to come later this week after I finish digging myself out of my hole at work.

Thunderreport: A Bit Disappointed

2007-02-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

As you can tell by this post's title and accompanying picture*, yesterday's San Francisco half marathon didn't go quite as smoothly as I'd hoped. But it wasn't a total failure. Basically, there's good news and bad news (and good news):

The good news: I finished without walking, which was my stated goal for the race.

The bad news: I was slow. Very slow. As in, possibly the slowest finisher to run continuously. My final time was 2:29:05.

The good news: I gave myself a nice high first time, upon which I should be able to improve throughout the year.

(The other good news: The inimitable Lil' Thunder clocked in at roughly 2:03.)

Here's the report: Normally, my report would start on the morning of the race, but the first important events happened on Saturday. For whatever reason, my sleep schedule was a bit off, and on Saturday afternoon, I took a nap. When I got up (and joined Lil' Thunder for a disappointing meal at the highly recommended Zuppa), my back started bothering me for the first time in months. I must have slept in an awkward position, and it was the kind of back pain that really jolts you if you move in the wrong direction. A bad omen.

With the alarm set for 5:30, I turned in at about 10:45, hoping for a solid 6.5 hours of sleep. But it was not to be. My back had me tossing and turning (and - once I finally fell asleep - waking up repeatedly) all night. Despite this, I felt pretty refreshed in the morning. Unfortunately, the back was no better.

Due to an overabundence of caution, the Thunders rolled up to the start line a little more than an hour before the gun. We killed the hour by doing what we do best - making fun of people. For some reason, runners are a goofy bunch, so they are usually easy targets. No coffee, though, which was a major negative, as it was fricken freezing. We waited, shivering, for the race to start. LT promised that she'd stick with me for the beginning of the race. The gun went off, and she zipped out of sight.

The start was horrendous. It was freezing cold, and we had been standing still for at least 15 minutes just waiting. Plus, I had been totally unable to loosen up my back. As we started our way up to normal speed, I felt roughly 95 years old. Every joint felt like it was made of concrete, my back was sending jolting pains through my body every fourth or fifth step, and all of the sudden my bladder was inexplicably full. After a quick sprint into the woods to fix my only easily-correctable problem, I rejoined the slowpokes and started banking the miles.

From the very start, I realized that Jimmy the Greek was full of sh*t. I was not gonna hit 2:16. The first miles were well over 11:00, and though my legs weren't fully warmed up until at least the 4th mile, I knew that I wouldn't be shaving off enough time to hit 2:16. I settled back to hoping for my actual (logical) goal of 2:24 or so. My back pains, however, continued until about the 5th mile. More importantly, I just didn't have "it" yesterday. When I was finally warm, I ran a few sub-11:00 miles (whoopdedoo), but it was way more of an effort than it should have been.

An aside about the course: our route was about perfect. The first 7 miles were through Golden Gate park. Very scenic, largely flat or even downhill, and certainly the only time I've run past a bison paddock. Then, runners are spit out of the park and onto the Great Highway, running along the Pacific for 3 miles south and then back. The out-and-back nature of that portion allowed me to spot Lil' Thunder bouncing cheerfully back toward the finish line, seemingly unaware of the 11+ miles of torture that she had already delivered to her legs.

I think that the fact that the faster runners were just feet away made me try to run faster. I was also passing some runners (OK, some chubby old ladies), which gave me some motivation to try and improve on my relative standing. This energy burst continued until about the 9th mile, when it magically disappeared.

Once I hit mile 10, I just wanted to finish. I had no energy left, and the temptation of walking was great. But my one goal was to keep running, and I did. These miles went very slowly, as the times indicate. As I was passing the 12 mile marker, I took inventory. I felt like total crap, but I went though my body parts one by one, and realized that nothing was feeling too bad. My knees were both a little sore, my back was worn out, my feet were tender, and my calf wasn't feeling normal. But nothing was really yelling at me. My quads and hamstrings felt fine. I was just low on energy. So I tried to increase my pace a bit, and lo and behold, it wasn't that bad. So I decided to push through the last 1.1 mile with all I had.

I turned off the Great Highway, back into the park, and realized that this would take whatever energy was left. The only significant uphill on the course was from about mile 12.5 to mile 13.0. About halfway up, I planted my right foot, and a shot of pain seared the entire back of my body. My knee buckled, and I almost bit it right there. But I regained my balance, and kept working my way up the hill. At the top, I saw Lil' Thunder cheering. She assured me that it was all downhill from there, which it was. I coasted in at 2:29:05. It took almost everything out of me. I'm disappointed, and a bit embarrassed, by the time. But hey, I met my main goal. Here are the splits:

Mile 1 11:53 11:53 (pee break)
Mile 2 11:28 23:21
Mile 3 11:28 34:50
Mile 4 11:06 45:57
Mile 5 11:10 57:07 (another pee break - yes, I know)
Mile 6 10:39 1:07:46
Mile 7 10:57 1:18:43
Mile 8 10:56 1:29:40
Mile 9 11:14 1:40:54
Mile 10 11:26 1:52:20
Mile 11 11:57 2:04:18
Mile 12 11:55 2:16:14
Mile 13.1 12:51 2:29:05 (11:41/mile)

Overall Avg 11:23/mile

Sigh. Now what?

Well, I actually think I'm right on track. Had it been a good day, I probably could have run about 2:24 or 2:25. And the fact is that I just haven't trained all that much. Well under 3 months of training, after over a year of no running. My next race will be May 12 in Oakland. That means that I will have a full 3 months of training (on top of where I am right now). As I mentioned earlier, my mileage will be increased. I'll also add in speedwork, to help increase my tempo. As of today, my stated goal for that race will be a more realistic 2:19. That said, I'm hoping to increase my pace enough to try for a sub 2:15 run. Anyhow, the only thing I can do is get better. And I will.

*Note: the above picture is not of Big Thunder, but actually of Mary Decker following her disastrous fall at the hands of Zola Budd in the 3,000 meter race in the 1984 Olympics. Duh.

TGS Presents: Great Moments in Wikipedia

2007-02-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

The Big Two (like Stephen Colbert) are great fans of Wikipedia. Where else can you learn about pretty much everything in one place? We love whiling away the hours clicking through the links.

Of course, a big part of what makes Wikipedia great is that anyone can edit the entries. There is a small volunteer army of Wikipedians who spend seemingly endless amounts of time writing and editing. With over 1.6 million English articles, however, some entries slip through the cracks, and random one-liners catch you off guard. Still other times, you come across legitimate information, or even entire entries, that unintentionally entertain. When you stumble across one of these humorous gems, you've experienced a Great Moment in Wikipedia.

And so, TGS is proud to present the first three in a recurring series of GMWs.

Karrine Steffens: Ms. Steffens has already lived a remarkable life in her 27 years on this mortal coil. The former main squeeze of Bill Maher and Bobby Brown (quite a resume) made her name as a hip hop dancer. But its how she made her nickname (and the nickname itself) that truly makes this entry a Great Moment in Wikipedia.
The Mermaid Problem: Has anyone ever heard of this? Its just ... well, its ... I mean, I never really ... well, ... just wow. That's a Great Moment in Wikipedia.
Stuart Scott: I admit that this one is a blatant ripoff from the comments at Deadspin.com, but it is just too good to pass up. Check out Stu's interests at the bottom of the first paragraph. Booyah!

******************************************

More Friday bullet points for yo bad self:

An update to Wednesdays Thunderupdate (making it a Thunderupdateupdate?): The weight loss tally is now at 14.5 pounds. Holla!
Dave Law will be hitting the sandy beaches of Miami this weekend for the big game. Expect (and demand) pictures next week!
Big and Lil' Thunder will be dining tonight on what is unquestionably the best pizza in San Francisco. Be jealous!
Its funny cuz its true!
Classic!

Thunderupdate: 05 in '07

2007-01-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

[As promised...]

[Which reminds me - few things have made me prouder than learning that the Spike gained a reader when the young man (I presume it was a man) Googled the phrase "rocky and apollo running all gay on the beach."]

[Spikeditors note: BT has foolishly vowed to complete 6 half marathons during 2007.]

First of all, my apologies to those readers who are enjoying Dave Law's real estate blog.

Well, I haven't done the best job of updating the fans of my running, but rest assured I'm still plugging away. The first thing to mention is the change in the title. Unfortunately, my quest for 06 in '07 is not to be. I've scaled back to 05 in '07, which admittedly doesn't quite have the charm of its predecessor. The change has nothing to do with lack of drive or commitment to achieving my original goals. Simply put, there is not an available half marathon every weekend (without flying all over the country), and the scheduling doesn't work to get 6 in with realistic down time between races. So I've scaled back to 05 in '07, with the caveat that I will do 06 in 12 months by having the early February San Francisco half be my first and last race of my running year.

Which brings me to my current status: the first half marathon is this Sunday (rough map of the course via the very handy Gmaps Pedometer is here). It seems to be a very flat course, which is good news for me. I think I'm ready to go.

The training has gone pretty well. Very few missed runs, and noticeable improvement literally every week. I know that my speed is improving a bit (though I'm still extremely slow comparatively - I'd say the ratio of runners that pass me to runners that I pass is 12:1, literally). Perhaps the best sign is that on Sunday I ran 7.9 miles, and it wasn't all that difficult. The legs never got too tired (nor sore the next day) and I wasn't completely drained at the end. Unthinkable a mere month or two ago.

Training notes:

Longest run - 10.4 miles. There are different schools of thought on how long to run in preparation for half marathons. Most novice programs top out at 10. In the past, I've topped out as low as 9 and run the race without dying, so I'm not too worried. However, as I continue to progress, I'm going to build my long runs into the 12-15 mile zone, so that the race itself is more about my time, rather than just finishing. That said, the stated goal for my first race was to finish comfortably. And I think I should.

Weight - Still very high. Throughout November and December, when I started training, I ate whatever I felt like. I did my usual holiday gorging, and on January 1, I stepped on the scale. When the shock wore off, I got down to being more serious about eating. No real gimmicks, just trying to stay below 2,000 calories a day, while eating a fair amount of vegetables and avoiding too much white flour and sugar. I'm happy to say that its working. As of last Friday, I'm down 10.5 lbs from January 1. However, while this sounds like a good accomplishment, its not all that impressive. My weight on January 1 was my heaviest ever. It was like I was just saturated. So the first few pounds just flew off as a result of eating like a human being. However, I'm hoping to continue losing on a slow and steady basis. My goal is to lose 48 more lbs. Wow. I'm fat.

Injuries - In my last Thunderupdate, I said this: "during sunday's run, I tweaked my right calf, though it seems to be fine now. Let's hope it doesn't linger." Well, it has done just that - lingered. It never was bad enough to make me stop running, but it hasn't felt normal normal either. I've been doing some extra stretching of it throughout the day, which seems to help. I don't foresee it being too much of a problem.

Outlook - I'm right about where I hoped to be at this point. I'm going to finish the run, though it will be tough. I will be embarrassed by my time, but that's ok. In the coming months, I'm going to continue to lose weight, but I'm also going to increase the intensity of my training. I'm going to start running four days a week, and upping my mileage. I will also include some interval training and hills, which should increase my speed.

Here's a handy chart:

Miles per week: January - 15+, Upcoming months - about 19-25

Miles per month: January - 68.6, Upcoming months - 85-110

Days running: January - 3 per week, Upcoming months - 4+ per week

Average miles per run: January - 5.7, Upcoming months - 5-6.5

My Prediction: Big Thunder rolls across the finish line this Sunday in 2:16.

Big Al Gonna be a BabyMama

2007-01-29T09:29:00.000-08:00

Congratulations are in order for semi-loyal TGS reader and ever-loyal friend, Big Al. Her and K-Fum have apparently been up to the Devil's business, and their actions have been rewarded. The seed has taken hold! Soon, Big Al will be a hormone-driven ball of cravings and mood swings. Which is not at all the way she was when not pregnant.

The Big Two would like to offer their most hearty congratulations to the happy couple. Though their selfish actions have ruined an upcoming wine tour (we won't even know how to act around a sober Al), we wish them an easy, healthy pregnancy.

The Spike would like to offer some preferred names for the baby girl (we feel strongly that the child will be female, based on the fact that K-Fum doesn't spend enough of his free time around women):

Davette
Brianna
Legalina
Thundra

Finally, the Spike has performed some complex analysis of the couple's bone structure, DNA, and family history, and we have come up with an extraordinarily accurate prediction of the child's appearance.

London Crap-Hole

2007-01-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

The Hoboken Condo advertised in the post below is a steal compared to this shoebox across the pond. Some bloody wanker is asking 170,000 quid (that's $335,000 US Dollars) for a 77 square foot closet.

So, come on people! Let's start the bidding for the palatial 700 square-foot Hoboken condo!

$399K; Hoboken, NJ - Beautiful 1 Bed/1 Bath Condo in Elevator Building – FSBO

2007-01-23T12:34:00.000-08:00

700 sq ft, 1 Bedroom, 1 Bath condo, in move-in condition. 10 Minute walk to PATH, 1 block from buses to NYC. This corner unit, built in 2000, boasts a full kitchen incl. built-in microwave & dishwasher, gorgeous hardwood floors, large windows w/ custom Hunter-Douglas wood blinds, beautiful crown molding and chair rail, central AC/Heat, and a washer & dryer in unit! $155 maintenance, $3500 taxes. Asking $399,000. Please call (or email) Dave at 908-447-6595 to set up an appointment.

A Big Star

2007-01-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Sister Thunder has hit the big time! She is currently savoring her 15 minutes -- er, roughly 2 seconds -- of fame. Watch closely in the above clip from 0:59 to 1:01. That's true star power...

Its Official

2007-01-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

The contest for the most obvious news headline of 2007 is over, just 9 days into the year.

Zidane playing 5 a side

2007-01-05T13:45:00.001-08:00

Professional athletes often burn out playing their chosen sport. For your enjoyment here's a youtube video of Zidane playing a pick-up game w/ his friends somewhere in Frogland. TGS is glad that Zidane still loves the beautiful game enough to just play around like this – especially after France was humiliated by the Azzurri last year. Plus it's important for the world to have balding heroes. Go Zizou!

BTW - Zidane's friends suck.

Don't Forget About Kate

2006-12-29T10:37:00.000-08:00

Dave Law's below post made reference to a Mara family member losing his sh*t after last week's loss. Well, I'm frankly disappointed with my fellow member of The Big Three (Two? What gives Big Swingin' D?). No mention of the Mara Family is complete without a detailed discussion of the ripest fruit of Wellington's loins, his granddaughter Kate Mara.

This delectible vixen (at right), best known to Giants fans for singing the national anthem after her grandfather's passing, is making her way in the world today as an actress. She is currently starring in the new Matthew McConaughey flick "We are Marshall." Her role? Head cheerleader (duh).

She also had a bit role in Brokeback Mountain, and is slated to appear in 2007 opposite Mark Wahlberg and Ben Kingsley (among others).

We here at The Golden Spike would officially like to offer Ms. Mara our best wishes for a very Golden 2007.

(Golden Nugget: Though blessed with the regal Mara name, Kate has the blood of two storied franchises running through her adorable veins -- her great granddad on the non-Giants side is legendary Steelers founder Art Rooney. Though TGS supports the Giants (and to some extent the Jets), The Big Three will grudgingly admit a respect for the defending Super Bowl Champions.)

State of Grace

2006-12-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

This holiday season we've tragically witnessed 2 high-profile deaths. Although there is a theory that the death rate always spikes around the holidays, such losses are always a shock. President Gerald Ford died yesterday and James "The Godfather of Soul" Brown died on Christmas Day. In addition to being a President, Gerald Ford was an iron man center (he went both ways) for two national champion Michigan football teams and won MVP honors one year as well. Coming out of college, Ford could have played in the NFL but the pay was chicken feed (to borrow an era-appropriate phrase) back then and there was no fame associated with such a profession. So, President Ford wisely elected instead to continue his education and become an IVY LEAGUE LAWYER. Ford went on to pardon Richard Nixon, who really didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

James Brown was a a magnificent entertainer who will always have a special place in our hearts for his patriotically garish rendition of Living in America from Rocky IV. That song is of course a part of the greatest soundtrack compilation ever - The Rocky Story - and as such, is still an integral part of Dave Law's gym motivation.

Both of these great Americans will be lying in state during this week prior to being interred. President Ford will be lying in the rotunda of the Capitol Building (GOLDEN NUGGET: A capitol, with an "o", is the building in which a state legislative body meets, or in which the functions of state government are carried out. When capitalized, the word Capitol refers only to the Washington, DC building in which Congress meets.).

James Brown will be lying in the Apollo Theatre in Harlem. That's right the FAMOUS APOLLO THEATRE! IN HARLEM!

A horse-drawn, white carriage lay idle in front of Rev. Al Sharpton's
National Action Network headquarters at 145th Street and Lenox Avenue. Two horses with white feather plumes waited to ferry Brown's body through Harlem and to the famed Apollo Theatre, where he first performed half a century ago.

How's that for pride, pomp and circumstance? A horse-drawn carriage? Feather plumes? After pulling myself up off the floor, I thought about this and it is entirely appropriate for James Brown.

Dave Law has determined that he will lie in state at the rostra or the curia in the Roman Forum.

Where would you like to lie in state when your time comes? Feel free to indulge your own delusions of granduer in our comments section.

* * *

TEXAS BOWL-ING

Rutgers will battle Kansas State in the Texas Bowl tonight on the NFL Network. Kansas State? The Jayhawks? No that's U of Kansas. So, who the hell is Kansas St? We don't know and we're too lazy to google them for you this time - do it yourself. The big news here is that up until last Saturday only half of the population of NJ was going to have access to this game on TV (Dave Law was not among that half). This is all because Cablevision and the NFL Network are engaged in a pissing contest and as usual the fans/subscribers suffer. Fortunately for all involved, the two parties have managed to tuck their junk away during this holiday season long enough for Cablevision to carry the Texas Bowl tonight.

Of course Dave Law still has no idea whether he'll be able to watch the Giants-Redskins game on Saturday. It's only the functional equivalent of a playoff game!

* * *

AND HILARITY ENSUED...

Speaking of the crummy Giants, an heir of the late great Wellington Mara blitzed a co-worker after the Giants' loss to Philly two weeks ago.

"Mara started screaming, 'I'm gonna f- - -ing kill you! Don't f- - - around with my family! Don't insult my family!'

Apparently, Stephen (with a "ph") Mara is a better tackler than anyone currently on the Giants roster. Suit him up!

Censored Version

2006-12-21T06:26:00.000-08:00

Being the good bloggers that we are, we spent our valuable (billable in the cases of BT and BSD) time rooting around the internet for the broadcast version of "D!@# in a Box", so that you don't have to. Here it is on another page at NBC's site. Now you the reader can decide for yourself if you prefer the broadcast version or the uncensored version.

NBC Crack Down

2006-12-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, NBC pulled all copies of "D!@# in a Box" from YouTube. The uncensored version can still be found here on NBC's website. As IVY-LEAGUE educated attorneys we here at TGS understand NBC's need to aggressively protect its intellectual property. However, the bleeped version is much funnier than the actual cursing. It's a shame.

NBC has other holiday classics on their site as well - like this old chestnut. We recognize that most of our readers are fairly unproductive around this time of year anyway. So, take a break from your last-minute online shopping and see if you can resist Pete's Schweddy Balls. We sure can't.

2006-12-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

Special Christmas Dedication from BT to LT

Also, Dave Law now knows what to deliver to a certain apartment in Trump Place this holiday season.

(CAVEAT: Although this video is "censored" and technically safe for viewing at work, you would do well to close your office door and keep the volume low.)

Pygmy Marmoset

2006-12-19T11:29:00.000-08:00

This guy cracks me up! Apparently he's a pygmy marmoset. (hence the title of the post)

* * *

Miss USA has been sentenced to rehab by The Donald. If I can find out where he's sending her, I may develop a substance abuse problem in the near future that requires me to check into the same facility. Although I haven't yet discovered the location of this secret rehab clinic, I have learned quite a bit from following Miss Conner's ordeal. For example, another testament to The Donald's genius, Trump houses Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe in the same NYC apartment during their respective reigns. My extensive fact-checking turned up this "golden nugget" of gossip:

Conner has been caught in a sizzling smooch with Miss Teen USA Katie Blair, an 18-year-old who partied with Conner at Chelsea club Ultra on Dec. 8. The two share a Trump Place pad with Miss Universe Zleyka Rivera on the upper West Side.

How'd you like to be their pizza delivery guy (or whatever beauty queens order when they binge and purge)?

Friday Afternoon Fun

2006-12-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

At the risk of Stealing Big Swingin' D's thunder (and really, how could I steal someone else's thunder?), here is a pretty good list of the 50 greatest commercials of the 80s. About the only thing missing is the "Where's the Beef" lady...

It's funny when old people drive.

TGS Announces

2006-12-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

Big news, Spikeheads! In an effort to deliver fresh, Spike-worthy material on a more regular basis (and to bring more Ivy League educated lawyers into the fold), the Big Two are expanding! Please join me in welcoming Big Swingin' D as our new contributing member. Big Swingin' D is an expert on North Jersey, Soccer, the Jersey shore, Terrapin athletics, Calzones, Judaism, and much, much more!

The Big Two has officially become ... The Big Three!

Thunderupdate: 06 in '07*

2006-12-05T11:33:00.000-08:00

[Spikeditors note: BT has foolishly vowed to complete 6 half marathons during 2007.]

At t-61 days until the my first half-marathon, I've started to pick up the pace with my running. And by "pick up the pace," I don't mean "pick up the pace of my runs." Rather, I mean "run more." Dreadfully early on Thanksgiving morn, Lil' Thunder and I rolled out to Ocean Beach for a turkey trot. I know I'm supposed to say it was a merry way to start the holiday. It wasn't. It sucked. First off, it was a six miler. I haven't run that far yet, and for good reason - I'm fat and out of shape. But the real killer was the fact that the first half was run on the beach. I'm sorry, but if you enjoy running on the beach, you must be some kind of masochist. It was f'ing torture. The three miles of running & walking on the beach must have taken me 45 minutes. Not to mention the homoerotic overtones when the heavyweight champ and I raced (see above video).** The only positive of the beach running was that once I got on solid ground, I felt like a Kenyan. I was flying (comparatively)!

The following sunday, Lil' Thunder and I rolled to Golden Gate Park for another organized run. This one just a 5-K. It may have been the 22 servings of pumpkin cheesecake that I had consumed over the previous 3 days, but the run was way more difficult than any 5-K should be. Part of the problem is that during these races, I try to keep up with the crowd. I need to just admit that I am really slow. But its just so depressing halfway through when 11 year old girls go bounding by me as if they were on pogo sticks (seriously, tons of middle-school aged kids beat me). Oh well, good to be out.

One major problem that I have to remedy soon is that I'm having trouble getting in regular runs during the week. My plan is to run 30-45 minutes twice during the work week (usually closer to the upper end of that range) with one long run every weekend. Unfortunately, work gets in the way (incidentally, in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm a lawyer - an Ivy League educated lawyer at that). Last week I didn't run at all during the week. Which made my Sunday run more surprising. I went out and ran 5 miles - my longest training run to date - and felt great. I could have gone a mile or two more...

Training notes:

Longest run - 5-ish miles

Weight - still way up there (I think - I haven't weighed myself in ages). I need to start eating right soon.

Injuries - during sunday's run, I tweaked my right calf, though it seems to be fine now. Let's hope it doesn't linger.

Outlook - Sunny. In fine shape for now, though I need to get my routine down (and also to be sure to get my runs in over the holidays).

*The author sincerely hopes that the Spike's readership finds this post to to be sufficiently Giant Panda Vagina-free.

**I think it can be safely assumed that I will include the above video clip in every update post for the next year. Screw that - I might just include that clip in every post, period. Note how Apollo totally let's Rocky win. "I'm not gay ... but my sparring partner is..." Don't forget that Rocky Balboa comes out December 22.

The Softer Side of The Spike

2006-11-21T08:22:00.000-08:00

This clip was adorable enough to tug at our callous heart strings here at TGS. It's safe for consumption at work and it's better with sound.

Cosmo?

2006-11-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

In case you missed it, Michael Richards (a.k.a. Kramer), had a meltdown of epic proportions this weekend after being heckled while doing standup in L.A. Unfortunately (for him) it was all caught on tape. The video is astounding, and I'm actually surprised that he didn't get physically attacked by the audience...

Thundersez: 06 in '07

2006-11-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

The problem: BT is out of shape. Badly out of shape. As in, worse than usual.

The solution: BT gets off his butt and runs. Runs like the wind!

The problem with that solution: BT is lazy, and will likely abandon such a plan within weeks, if not days.

The solution to the problem with that solution: Peer pressure!

Therefore, consider this an official, Golden Spike-endorsed announcement:

BT will successfully train for and complete six half-marathons during 2007.

There. It has been said. It can't be removed (well, except for blogger's editing function, with which I technically could remove it). Everyone (well, both of you) who reads this blog will know this and hold me to it. The goal is to get to the point where I am in consistently good enough shape to be able to just go out some random day and take a long (8+ mile) run without too much difficulty. That conditioning would certainly mean that I'm much healthier than I am currently.

This is the first in a series of "06 in '07" posts, where I will keep the Spikeheads up to date on the latest training and results. To start with, some background - despite my considerable girth, I have actually run two half-marathons (my college motto? "Run like an antelope, shaped like a cantaloupe"). The first was in from Napa to Sonoma, and the second was around Monterey, CA. For neither did I properly train (and in fact, I walked about half of the 12th mile of the Monterey race). Though I don't recall the exact numbers, I know I finished each around the 2:15 mark, which is very slow.

So in the coming year, I will run one race every 2 months or so. The first is on February 7 in San Francisco, around the Golden Gate park area. The goal for the first? To complete it without any breaks. That should be easily attainable. In subsequent races, I'm going to start developing time goals, to ensure that I improve my performance from race to race.

Since making the 06 in '07 decision, I've gone on a few basic 3-milers , and in just the 3 or 4 times out, can already feel significant improvement. I need to get consistent in my scheduling, though, to be sure that I get at least 3 runs in per week, with one of them being a long run.

That's it for the first 06 in '07 report. More to come, likely next month.

Now back to your regularly-scheduled Spike

Say you're a lawyer. Perhaps even an Ivy League-edumacated lawyer like Dave Law and myself. You're representing a crook. Wouldn't it be best if you choose not to dress him like a bad guy in a cartoon? Especially a character who's last name isn't too far from your client's last name? Don't get me wrong, I understand that he's completely guilty, but its like he is advertising his guilt.

Say what you will about the adult film industry (and really, there is a lot to say), but the bottom line is that there are some very talented writers in the industry that come up with hilarious movie titles as plays on "legit" movie names. We all fondly recall "Shaving Ryan's Privates," "Sorest Rump," "Sperms of Endearment," and "White Men Can't Hump." Well, the other day, while listening to Loveline on my drive home from work, I heard my new favorite: "If These Balls Could Talk." For whatever reason, I laugh every time I think of it. Brilliant! Incidentally, while doing some "research" for this post, I came across a funny site that lists all of these names.

Finally, time to do a complete 180 and bring up a serious - and very interesting - story. At a UVA frat party in 1984, a little too much booze was flowing. One of the frat brothers took a freshman girl back to his room, and, while the details of what happened are in dispute, he raped her. Fast forward to 2005, when the guy is in Alcoholics Anonymous. When he reaches Step 9 - making amends with the people you've hurt - he contacts his victim of 21 years earlier. Now he's going to prison for the crime. The article is compelling and thought-provoking. I'm interesting to hear reactions from our loyal readers. I'll give mine in the comments section a little later.

Holiday Hype!

2006-11-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

TGS is most excited by the pre-product launch hype surrounding the new WonderBra Multiplunge Bra this holiday season! What marketing genius came up with name "Multiplunge" anyway? It's retardly erotic!

PacMan Fever 2006 (a/k/a PS3 Herpes)

2006-11-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

Playstation 3 fever is sweeping the nation. The cutting edge gaming platform is being released tomorrow and gaming addicts are camping out in front of Best Buys everywhere. Can you blame them? That machine is sexy! You could hump that controller! Well, not really...

We do know some people cooler than ourselves who have already gotten their hands on one of the machines. Sopranos aficiandos will recall last season's episode where Christopher went to Hollywood to pitch his movie to Ben Kingsley and ended up at a product party where the marketers were giving away great products. (Christopher jacked Lauren Bacall in the same episode.) Those product give away parties do happen. Dave Law's fraternity brother is an aspiring actor in LALA land who’s good friends with fellow UVa alum Benjamin McKenzie of “The OC” fame. Ben went to the product launch for the PS3, was given one for free and he re-gifted it to Dave Law's friend.

That variety of re-gifting is perfectly acceptable.

We'd like to hear from our readers what over-hyped product or movie your most excited about this holiday season. PS3? Nintendo Michelle Wii? Casino Royale? Rocky VI? Tickle Me Elmo TMX? Furby 2006?

***

In Sports, UVa knocked Bucknell out of the NCAA soccer tournament in a 4-0 drubbing last night in Char-vegas. This was first appearance in the tournament for the Bison since 1976. Congratulations to the Patriot League Champs on their fine season. Since BT attended Bucknell and Dave Law went to UVa this game had special significance here at TGS. Especially since these schools rarely face each other.

Virginia will face 13th seeded California this Saturday in round 3 of the tournament. Go 'Hoos!

Also in sports news, ORAL ROBERTS... we think we heard that they beat Kentucky in mens BB or something. Really we just like writing ORAL ROBERTS. he he he...

***

Happy Birthday to Dave Law's brother Mike Engineer. TGS would also like to wish a happy birthday to loyal Spikers Michael Z and A-nonymous. Click on your name for your personalized birthday treats courtesy of TGS.

Ed Hochuli Facts

2006-11-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

In the spririt of Chuck Norris Facts, a brilliant phenomenon of the internet age, we are introducing Ed Hochuli Facts here on the Spike. Ed Hochuli is without question the badest (in the Michael Jackson sense), crime-fighting referee in the NFL (his secret identity allows him to practice law by day). Ed's authoritative no-nonsence approach to officiating is the number 1 argument that there is no need for instant replay in the NFL. To kick things off, here's our first Ed Hochuli Fact:

1. Ed Hochuli collects stray pubic hairs from his shower drain and recycles them into steel wool.

Please add your own Ed Hochuli Fact in our comments section.

****

ALSO...

Congratulations to the UVa and Cornell basketball teams who both started their seasons off with (relatively) impressive wins. The Cavaliers beat tenth ranked Arizona 93-90 at home in the brand-spanking new John Paul Jones arena. When it comes to UVa hoops you have to appreciate the early wins because historically the wheels come off once conference play begins. UNC will be tough this year and Duke is still top 20. Big Red (Bears) beat Northwestern away 64-61 and followed it up with a home victory over Stony Brook.

Kara Homes, a competitor of Dave Law's employer, was granted a temporary reprieve by the bankruptcy court in Trenton yesterday when it was allowed to reorganize under Chapter 11 of the US Bankruptcy Code. 'Round here we were all pulling for Chapter 7 liquidation. That's the way Ed Hochuli would have ruled - no mercy.

Finally, in a brief edition of Against the Law, I'd like to express my disgust with SI writer Peter King. Peter King has never been objective. He loves to weave his personal opinions into articles - for example, everything he writes in NY-centric, he's a NY Giants cheerleader, he's carrying the banner for Tiki Barber to get to Canton, most recently he started his Monday Morning Quarterback Column with over a page of Rutgers fluff. This is tolerable since he's a sports columnist. (I also tolerate his slant b/c I'm from NJ. I don't think I could stand him if I lived in another sports market) Towards the end of his MMQB column King writes, "Last Tuesday sure was a good day, wasn't it?". There's an expression that shock-jocks Opie & Anthony use often: "You don't go to CNN for dick jokes so don't come to us for news." King is a sports writer. I don't want or appreciate political commentary mixed in with my sports news (no matter how brief the commentary is). King is not a political pundit. All this accomplishes is to inflame the sensibilities of his readers who don't share his politics. He's alienating his own audience. That's why slipping political commentary into a sports column is AGAINST THE LAW!

The End of the World?

2006-11-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

Rutgers, the state university of New Jersey, beat Louisville (#3) 28-25. Last Knight (pun) they had a reason to protect their football goalposts with a ring of men in yellow jackets and by Monday they'll have a top 10 football team. I'm speachless - man alive, what a game!

Sacha Baron Cohen has the top grossing movie in America (not just the number 1 comedy - the number 1 movie overall). In a case of high comedy life imitating high comedy art, Mr. Cohen is being sued by 2 fraternity members who feel as though they were cast in a disparaging light in the film. These lack-wits got drunk, made some typical-frat-guy racist and sexist comments on camera and probably thought they would earn BMOC status at their backwater South Carolina school because of it. Instead they're being vilified and want to be financially compensated for it. Sometimes I hate lawyers, too.

Doogie Howser is gay. Apparently, the "outing" of gay celebrities is now appropria tely re ferred to as "lancing" - a term coined after the outing of 'N Sync's own Lance Bass. I don't know how to squeeze all of the comedic juice out of this latest celebrity lancing so, recognizing my limitations, I'm going to tag out and let BT do some work in the squared-circle.

Menace II Hoboken

2006-11-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

Early Sunday morning (i.e. after midnight Saturday), a fight broke out on the main boulevard in Hoboken, Washington Street. This was more than your typical meat-head street fight designed to impress a local silicone Sally with beer muscles (or clever choreography). 2 men were stabbed during this skirmish. According to the police, this 20-man brawl predominantly featured the Hoboken-based chapter of the bloods gang. Are you kidding me? The Bloods? In Hoboken? Now we'll never get Snoop to play the Whiskey Bar (he's a Crip).

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Golden Nugget for 11/9/2006

Did you know there’s a town in Brazil called Varginha? Apparently some alien crashed there or something. (Here's a link, if you're into conspiracy theories and such). I can’t get over the name – and it’s in BRAZIL of all places.

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Book Report

I just finished reading "Spin," a novel by Robert Charles Wilson. I give the book 3 stars out of 5. "Spin" is what some call "hard science fiction". Hard science fiction provokes and encourages the reader to reflect upon the human condition rather than merely using technological gimmicks to titillate. "Spin" follows the lives of 3 life-long friends as they cope with the fallout after the stars vanish from the night sky (it's obviously more complicated than that but I don't want to give anything away). The premise was intriguing and the main protaganist was well-developed and relatable. Personally, I thought the pacing of the book was a little inconsistent at times and I plodded through some sections. All in all I enjoyed the book and I'm recommending it to the many thousands of visitors to this blog.

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Scarlet Fever

The undefeated Scarlet Knights of Rutgers (#15) are playing one of the biggest football games in school history tonight against Loo-i-ville (#3). Since Rutgers bested Princeton in the first-ever intercollegiate football game (1869), I don't think it's fair to say this is THE BIGGEST GAME in the school's history. Also, in hyping this game, I've heard plenty of pundits refer to Rutgers as "little" - Rutgers is the state university of New Jersey. It has an enrollment of over 60,000. Maybe Rutgers doesn't have the football tradition of a Michigan, Penn State or Ohio State but, 60,000 is hardly little.

Here are a few famous Rutgers alumni to help you up onto the bandwagon tonight:

Bill Bellamy (out-of-work actor)
Calista Flockhart (peaked in 1998)
Kristin Davis (the "cute one" from Sex and the City - arbitrarily rated an 80 by AskMen.Com)
James Gandolfini (played a thug in the movie "True Romance")
Ruth Bader Ginsburg (her sorority pledge name was "Master" - all credit to BT)
Joyce Kilmer (treehugging liberal who wrote a poem)
Scott Paterson (has a minor role on the CW hit Gilmore Girls - not to be confused with the homicidal angler Scott Peterson)
Roy Scheider (his extensive body of work includes Jaws, 2010 and the watershed movie Blue Thunder)
Aaron Stanford (Pyro in X-Men movies)
David J. Stern (Absolute Master and Ruler of the NBA)
Philip Roth (although his degree is from Bucknell, he did attend Rutgers. This information is courtesy of a random internet page which I deemed reliable based on its impressively professional looking color scheme.)

As you can see the list of dignitaries, statesmen and celebrities who matriculated at (is this the right preposition?) Rutgers is lengthy indeed. Notably, many of the "actors" on the list have more than one entry on their IMDB page. So, tonight while you're enjoying the battle of unbeatens on ESPNHD, take comfort in the knowledge that the likes of Bill Bellamy, Calista Flockhart and Aaron Stanford probably have nothing better to do than watch the same game (that is unless the phone finally rings).

Life Equations

2006-11-02T15:10:00.000-08:00

Going to the vending machine at work to pick up some Full Throttle* = Bad.

Going to the vending machine at work to pick up some Full Throttle on the way out the door because you are so tired that there is a considerable danger that you will fall asleep on your 40 minute drive home = Worse.

Going to the vending machine at work to pick up two cans of Full Throttle (one for the drive home and the other for the drive back to work, which will take place approximately 5 hours from the time of purchase of the Full Throttle), only to find that you don't have enough money to purchase the second can = Worse Yet.

Neglecting my posting duties here at the Spike = Worst of All.

I'll be back.

*Incidentally, according to their website, the slogan for Full Throttle is "Let Your Man Out." I don't even know where to start with that.

Did You Get a Haircut?

2006-10-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

I got 'em all cut! (badump ba!)

Spike, our fearless mascot and man's best friend, who like the founding members of TGS is wont to relieve himself in the most inappropriate places, has gotten his first haircut!

BEFORE

AFTER

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IN OTHER NEWS...

Reese Witherspoon finally ditched that 'mo Ryan Phillippe. If she's back on the market, maybe I should get a haircut too. Devotees of TGS will recognize that the term "haircut" has multiple meanings when referring to Dave Law. (See And Now We Know... and Vegas Math below). At the end of the day, the process that I go through to groom myself is probably not that different from what our mascot Spike is subjected to.

On Sunday, I attended the Giants-Bucs game and tailgate directly after playing in my weekly mens-league soccer game (during which I got punched in the eye by the opposing keeper - fortunately my vision was not so impaired that I couldn't score on the punk in the second half and taunt him with a celebration dance in his own box). Speaking of athletic celebration dances, I feel compelled to comment on the Giants' defense celebration. After making a play, Giants defenders pantomime a basketball jump shot. What the hell does a basketball jump shot have to do with a sack? Apparently this celebration is derived from a rap video, which makes it even less relevant. I love this Giants team, but I think they should let this celebration slip through the crack in Strahan's teeth.

Finally - Happy Halloween.